musings and reflections of hollyholz: 04/01/2003

4.30.2003

Two down, two to go.

Next week is going to be tiring.... :P I'm trying to clear up some of my webspace on my utoronto account, and we'll see more "visual" updates - you should know where to go by now.

Sleeeeep... and rest..... what I'm longing for.

:)

4.29.2003

More weird thoughts while studying...

- YahWHO...! Toronto is going to be off the travel advisory list tomorrow. Why am I so giddy? I really don't know... perhaps like I told my mom, taking a quote from the HK president and changing it a little, I said "If Toronto is good, economy is good; if economy is good, everyone is good!"... okay, I know studying has made me go from nuts to insane... heh.

- As I was studying alone at Second Cup, I saw this girl whom I used to go to elementary school (and junior high) with. I really wanted to say hi, but at the end, I ended up being a chicken and didn't do so. I wonder why I feel uncomfortable everytime I bump into someone whom I haven't seen in ages. Whether or not we were in good or bad terms eons ago doesn't really matter... I'm not sure why.

- Thinking back about the formal I went to a few weeks ago, I recalled a conversation I had w/ my friends at the table.... we were actually analysing whether or not our friend was a high maintenance (HM) gal. What really makes a HM girl? Material-wise or personality-wise, or both? Would I be considered as a HM gril? (I'll decide on that when I get comments.... mwhahahaha.)

- Teams I'm rooting for right now: Anaheim Mighty Ducks, Ottawa Senators, Vancouver Canucks. I must admit, though, the Wilds are pretty good this yr... we shall see. Hopefully, let's see the end of Philly and NJ. The others don't matter as much ;)

- Exam at 9am tomorrow.... wheee, less than 12 hours to go. I should really be either sleeping or studying. I'll choose the former. :)

Weird thoughts in midst of studying...

~ I'm really into cleaning products. As I was taking mini breaks from studying, I was watching the Swiffer commercial for their duster. I WANT ONE! Actually, while visiting the Candian Tire w/ my dad over the wkend, I found myself looking for the Swiffer duster.. and unfortunately, they only had one box left that was left opened :( Ah wells.... I also like those dish cleaning products too :P

~ I'm the worst when it comes to recognizing movie stars and stuff, prob. 'cause I don't watch movies very often. (My parents aren't big movie fans, and I was never brought up to be one, nor did I have enough money to) While reading an article in the Star about Gene Hackman and a bunch of other ppl having the "courage" to stay in Toronto in midst of SARS, I wonder how it would be if I was downtown and if I bumped into someone who was a movie star, but I wouldn't have the knowledge to know that he/she was a celebrity. And it would be even more surprising if I was talking w/ this "star" and a friend who's really into movies (let's say... Richard?) bumps into us and goes like "heh... heh.... so Holly, you know so-and-so?"

Told ya these are weird thoughts.... :P Back to more studying... yipee.

4.27.2003

I wonder...

...if age has anything to do with it. Do with what?

I forgot my friend's birthday. To make things worse, I forgot to show up at her birthday party as promised. She called me over for cake (as planned) but I totally forgot.
*sob*

I used to be so good at remembering birthdays, names, etc. I wonder what is happening to me?

Not much to blog about now 'cause my mind is slowly shutting down, but in the meantime, feel free to visit the photolog. Enjoy.

4.26.2003

Looking forward

I'm at a loss of words. Besides the two times I've gone out of my house this week - once w/ Pris and once for fellowship - I've been burying myself w/ textbooks and lecture notes galore. Personally, I find that it's quite ridiculous, seeing how it's taken me more than half an hour to attempt and think of a blog w/ some sorta substance, but I even failed at trying to think of something interesting to write. What the heck is school doing to me? It's making me lose my social life, and everything around me seems rather mundane, to the extent where I can't even say much about anything!

Regardless, life moves on after exams, and I keep reminding myself that it'll be all over in a week and a half. It's rather hard, seeing how everyone not at UT is already finito w/ their exams. To keep myself moving, I'll think about my so-called summer, and what plans and goals I hope to achieve. Although I'll be taking summer school and working... I'll make room for fun things :) I'm determined to make full use of my camera, see very old and treasured friends, learn how to cook, and make my life somewhat fuller than just school alone :).

Toodles for now :D

4.25.2003

On the topic of SARS

Something I try very hard to avoid since it's all over the news, and has become a part of everyday conversation... but it's starting to upset me. Why? Two reasons... the W.H.O.'s travel advisory and more importantly, stupid comments being made.

You see, I'm part of this mailing list at school and recently, they've been sending out announcements about an upcoming ball. Heh... some idiot decided to reply to the communications director about not attending because... "due 2 da SARS epidemic, and all da chinese in GK, i will B unable 2 attend any GK related activities, until the SARS has been brought into control..." It was meant for the director only but I guess accidentally, the several thousands of members on this list got the email, which sparked a fury of emails bashing this guy. As a result, my utoronto.ca account has been flooded with complaint emails... Bah. Even though it turned out only being an "inside joke", still... I personally think it's pretty immature of that guy.

Anyway just needed to vent about having my mailbox bombarded not of junk mail, but of acceptable replies to some idiot's comments *sigh*

4.24.2003

Haven't had much time to update... but I did add a new link on the side bar... highly recommended if you can tell which one it is :D hehehe.
After all, isn't it much more fun to figure out something than to be told?

(Actually, I don't think so, but since I'm up for that challenge w/ my studying, I'm gonna give you a mini challenge myself hehe...)

4.23.2003

The Holz Report

Just some miscellaneous rambling... :)

~ The Leafs. Lost in round one of the playoffs. I must admit though, they played like crap last night. I couldn't bear to watch the last period simply 'cause they played like garbage. I was disappointed in them... after playing such a kick butt game on Monday night... I was surprised that Belfour got two penalties alone in the second period, but who could blame him? Defence sucks and he's gotta be the goalie AND third defenceman. Not surprised by his frustration. Can't wait 'til October though :) In the meantime, my ideal final playoff match: Ottawa vs. Vancouver :D hehe.... but I'll be cheerin' for the Canucks now. The East means nothing to me right now.

~ One down, three to go. Finished my first exam yesterday, and won't really mention it anymore since I think I did very poorly on it. Since ppl did ask how my exams are going, might as well say something. Anyway, I've gotta study like crazy for the next week or so!

~ Milestones Markham. It's finally opened! Pris took me out for a night to "forget all the dissapointing moments in life" (i.e. the game, my exam, etc.), and wanting to get away from the usual Asian places we go to, we decided to go for desserts at Milestones across from Unionville High at Warden and Hwy 7. All I have to say is that place has the best ambiance, and of course, the 'oh-to-die-for' bellinis. Gotta go there soon after exams for celebrations.

~ Growing Up. Too quickly. I long for innocence and play time :)

~ I need help w/ some website stuff.... Any techies available to help me? Msg me and I'll ask you, thanks!

That's enough for now... back to the wonderful world of the Euro Zone & the EMS.

4.21.2003

I can't tell you how much I dislike studying and how it has gotten me insane. Stupid me, I thought the Leafs game was tomorrow.
Bah. I'm watching it, regardless of the need to study for auditing.

Yes, I don't like my laptop either. It keeps telling me that my operating system is not found, but after a few times, there I see Windows ME. Gaaaaaaah.

I must pry myself away from the computer now. :)

4.20.2003

Updates on Moi

Unlike many friends, I haven't even started my exams, let alone finish one of them. Ppl from Waterloo, Western, Queens, York, and other schools have already done their exams... at least most of the ppl I know from those schools. DANG. I start on Tuesday, and have tried very hard to avoid ICQ, MSN, and other internet activities.

Speaking of internet activities, as much as I'd like to reorganize my pbase gallery, studying has prevented me from doing so. I'm actually considering to become a pbase supporter; I think it'll motivate me to make good use of the account and take quality pictures :)

Having stupid exams in the way, it has prevented me from faithfully following my beloved buds. Well, at least I can never bear to watch a full game w/o worrying about studying. I haven't watched a full game at all this season, but have been keeping up nevertheless. Thank goodness the next game is on Tuesday night AFTER my first exam. My guess: Leafs in 7.... dammit, they better!

I'm taking the rest of the night off... I'm going to entertain myself w/ my one and only DVD - About a Boy :D

Easter Sunday

Think that Easter is all about chocolates, bunnies, eggs, and parades? As much as I drool at the sight of chocolates and cute bunnies, Easter means a lot more to me. When people say "Happy Easter", what does it really mean? The lyrics to the following song reflects what it means when I say "Happy Easter"...

~

In Christ Alone | Keith Getty and Stuart Townend

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light my strength my song
This cornerstone this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love what depths of peace
When fears are stilled when strivings cease!
My comforter my all in all
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone! - who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand!

4.19.2003

If only...

A recent TVB show talks about some guy wanting to go back in time so that everything could be perfect... just the way he wants it to be: perfect job, girlfriend constantly by his side, and so forth. However, even though he does go back into ancient Chinese history time, he has no job and his girlfriend dumps him (either that or she disappears into thin air... I'm not sure, but she's just not by his side!).

Where am I getting at? Well, thinking back on a recent conversation Ian and I had about going back to high school time, we talked about what we would've done instead of taking all the courses we already took. Personally, I would've:

~ finish HS in five yrs instead of four (fasttracking wasn't fun :P the only benefit was that it got me out of thornlea ASAP)
~ taken biology despite the horrors of OAC chem
~ taken more business courses to make me realize what it was all about
~ pursue an interest in drafting, media (like videotography and AV), and photography
~ played more sports ('cause I fasttracked, so I decided not to continue playing volleyball in my final year)

Of course, coming back to reality, I know I can't go back and change everything... like some of the acctg txtbks I've been reading, things should be forward looking :) 'Tis life. Can't dwell too much about what I didn't do in the past. Don't get me wrong though; I don't regret on most of the decisions made - fasttracking, choosing UT, etc. Through the path I've chosen to take, I've met many great people, gone through life changing experiences, matured, and learned lots too, in different aspects (education, social, faith, etc.). :)

Point of this blog? You and I can't go back in time even though we may be temporarily unsatisfied with the present. We can't really say "if only I did this..." or "I should've thought of..."; Sometimes, things can go your way, and sometimes they don't. However, we must learn how to appreciate and understand that what's happening now - good or bad - will build us up for a better future :).

I guess this really reflects what I've been going through recently. Some things aren't going the way I'd like it to be. Regardless, there's a time for everything - happy or sad moments - but at the end, these things will shape us up to become a stronger person. Life isn't a smooth sailing, but I know at the end, whatever happens will be the best for me :).

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace."
~ Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

4.16.2003

Current...

...thing that's happening: Leafs and Flyers going into 2nd OT. As much as I'd hate to say it, the Leafs are in baaaad shape. Nevertheless, GO LEAFS GO :)

...thoughts in mind: Must study, study, and study some more... but would like to watch hockey and TV :) And hopefully tonight, it'll be "bye bye" to Cujo and the Red Wings! (Although it would be quite surprising if the Ana. Mighty Ducks win the series 4-0)

...question in mind: Why was Domi on the ice for only 1:52 for the entire game?! I mean, they practically played TWO full games.... and he was only on for 2 minutes... geez.

...thing Holz wants to say: "Happy Birthday, Karen!" :D Not too late ;)

Random things I've learned

The past few days have been particularly weird.... perhaps it's in positive correlation w/ my fluctuating moods that persists during the weeks before my exams. Nevertheless, I've learned a few things these past few days, some useful, some not. Allow me to share them here with you:

~ A friend from Vancouver is getting married this summer! (I knew they were engaged but as to the exact wedding date, I was uncertain.) I received the invitation during the time when I was getting really sick and tired of studying, so it brightened my day. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll be able to go to the wedding since I don't have the money to fly to BC, but I am still very happy for 'em :) It also made me realize there are much more important things in life than just studying. :) So.... down w/ studying as my full-time occupation! :) Just kidding. However, I'm not gonna be so stingy nor uptight about studying for the meanwhile... but if you check with me the day before any exam, my opinion may temporarily change.

~ Computers are evil.... I've been studying away from the computer this morning, and have done quite a bit (in my own standards, that is)! Now that I have the computer turned on, it seems to be luring me to come back every half hour or so... well, I'm gonna turn this thing off once I finish w/ this blog!

~ Studying w/ friends is fun! I've been studying w/ Ian for the past two days at Second Cup (for a LONG time on Monday, and not so long yesterday)... despite the noise and distractions from the ppl in the shop, I was able to study 'cause someone else was there suffering w/ me. I find that it's easier to study w/ people since you're all in the same boat... :) It's also fun during those short five minute study breaks, let it be chatting about anything or simply playing w/ the camera.

~ Organic food freak. I think that's what my mom and I are becoming. Actually, I think I'm just taggin along, since I was bored and decided to pick up some organic fruit bars while waiting for my mom to finish shopping yesterday for some organic meat. I even picked up a pack of organic gum! However.... the gum is quite freaky, in that it's made out of some weird rainforest cichle wood from trees (according to the package, though, no trees were harmed). And... the gum really wasn't like a regular gum, in that it became powder bits and pieces when I started "chewing"... I was left w/ nothing after half a minute in my mouth... everything was swallowed up. :)

~ Breaks - I'm in a dire need of one now. Away from studying and the computer. TTYL :)

4.15.2003

Ah, it's that time of the year again...

... logging onto ROSI at 6am in the morning just to find out you're being kicked out of the system two minutes later. The agony of waiting a friggin hour just to register for three courses (and the pain to realize one of your friends managed to get through the system and sign up for his courses in five minutes...) and as a result, a very sleepy Holz for the entire day. It's no fun, but I've gotta sign up for summer school.

This morning's task made me realize how quickly summer is approaching. Although I'll be busy w/ two courses during the summer, I think there's time for me to relax and experiement new things or simply maintain a hobby. So, here's a list of things I'm hoping to accomplish this summer:

~ Spend more time w/ my camera, and experiment more on photography
~ Spend more time w/ friends and family
~ Hopefully make a wkend trip to Waterloo... :) in the smeltering heat
~ Read more...
~ Keep my brain from rotting
~ Get more involved w/ the groups I'm part of: Josiah, Mon Sheong YLG, etc.
~ RELAX :)
~ Family time

I'm sure there are more things to come, but seeing how my brain is pretty numb from studying all day at Second Cup, I better head off to bed. In the meantime, feel free to check my pbase gallery, where all my pics are so far. Thx to James for introducing me to the wonderful world of pbase and teaching me how to resize my pix :)

Last but not least.... GO LEAFS GO! :D They're barely winning, but nevertheless, it's still a win :) They are in a dire need of better defense... but thank goodness Wesley is baaaack!

4.14.2003

Current obsessions

1. Photography
I must admit, I'm not a great photographer, but I really do enjoy taking pics and also going through galleries of pictures, let it be scenic or just random shots. Recently, I find myself searching and surfing through lots of web sites on photography, let it be through galleries on pbase.com or the simple tips from sites like Kodak.com. In fact, I feel terribly guilty and awful for saying this, but I wanna buy another camera! Don't get me wrong, I love my current digicam, and the one I want to get is not close to the capabilities of it, but it's still an interesting thing. It's the Action Sampler of the Lomography family. I have yet to fully explore this type of photography, albeit I think it enhances certain colors and what not of a photo. The other lomo cameras are too expensive, but this little one is one which I can afford. :) We'll see where my interest takes me.

2. Josh Groban
This man can really sing :) First heard of him 'cause he was in town for a concert on 680 News, and was recommended by a high school friend, Loretta, a few months ago to listen to this dude. I am impressed! In fact, I borrowed the CD from a church friend, and immediately bought it at Future Shop! I love his and Charlotte Church's rendition of "The Prayer", and he has some really upbeat opera songs. David Foster, who produced and arranged many of the songs, kicks butt too! I'm not certain, but am thinking that Josh Groban is Canadian too! Anyway, a very good opera singer... young, talented, and not bad looking. For more info: joshgroban.com

3. Organics
I think either studying has gotten me insane, or I'm just a victim of consumerism. My mom went on the health binge before falling ill last fall, and started buying organics food... and I was pretty much against it since it was kinda weird. Like organic cheddar cheese wasn't.... orange? Anyway, recently I've been interested in eating healthier... dunno why :) Maybe it was my mom's influence. While making a study break trip to Loblaws on Saturday, I bought a whole bunch of organic goods, including organic pancake mix (and maple syrup), cheese, crackers, and salad. Either I'm really into organics, or I'm just biased towards the President's Choice brand goods... :D I think my auditing project on Loblaws has convinced me President's Choice is the way to go.... haha nevertheless, at least this is a healthy, albeit a bit expensive, obsession!

4.12.2003

Continuing on...

...with my situation. I am a sensitive sap, but am also the least girliest girl you'll ever meet. Yesterday was hell for me... no, not the formal, but the process of prepping for the formal. If you know me well, I hate dressing up and having to go through the process of beautifying myself. I believe in natural beauty, the sans-make-up-and-guck-in-your-hair type of beauty. Having to sit at a hair salong for 2 hours (I didn't mind the hair chopping part... but I minded the hair styling part) & having my head totally covered w/ ozone-killing hair spray isn't my idea of fun. Having to squirm at the sight of blush and all that sorta make-up stuff isn't my idea of enjoying myself. Having to wear heels that are 3 and a half high isn't comfortable. And having to give up my jeans and sweathood for a dress is definitely not my thing!

Just an additional thought... but not that most of you don't already know that :)

4.10.2003

Ironic?

As a girl, is it okay to be a sap? I think so. But as a girl who is a Tie Domi fan, is it possible?

What made me think of this question though, was when I was close to tearing up after hearing the commercial for the Miss Hong Kong Beauty Pageant. To me, it didn't make sense, seeing how I'm a tomboy at heart. I shouldn't cry about girly things like this. I suppose that it was that little grand triumphant theme playing in the background that made me want to cry. You see, whenever I see the end of a beauty pageant, no matter how terrible the contestants are, I still manage to choke up slightly (pls don't ask me why...). Whenever I watch the Chinese TV shows, I am in waterworks during the last episode of the series. Even in movies, whenever I watch romantic comedies, I tear up. Gosh, come to think of it, I even cried while watching "About a Boy", when Hugh Grant and the kid are in their 'let's-make-up-and-become-buddies-after-our-emotional-confrontation" scene.

Then I shifted my thoughts to reminiscing about Holz in grade 5, learning how to high kick from watching the so-called mighty morphin power rangers. (yeah, if they were sooooo mighty, they would still be on fox! - and to justify myself just in case, I was only watching 'cause I had to stay at this family friend's house everyday after school until my mom picked me up, and had to watch it with the kid who lived there!) From there, I went to think about hockey, and who my hero was. I was like.... NOOOOOO! I gotta be tough, like Tie! Noooo. But then, I thought that even though Tie Domi looks like a thug on the ice, he's like a big loveable bear. I mean, he donates his time and money each year to the Variety Village, acting as if he's Santa! Sure, he's known for elbowing Scott Neidermeyer and punching the lights out of other hockey players, but that's his day-time job :D I'm sure he's a nice guy.

You might be wondering, "so what IF he is a nice guy? That doesn't mean he's a sensitive sap!" To rebuttle that thought, allow me to go back to the Scott Neidermeyer incident. Remember Domi was suspended for the rest of the playoffs? Well, he did have to go through a press conference to explain for himself and to give details about that night's incident... and during the thing, he cried. He shed tears. A tough guy shedding tears is out of the ordinary. It touched me that he was in waterworks. This really helped me in analysing the answer to the question above.

So in conclusion, I've decided that in my situation, yes, it is possible to be a sap and a Tie Domi lover at the same time... case closed.

BTW - Domi scored last night AND was on the ice when Mogilny scored one of his goals :) GO LEAFS GO (and you go, Tie!)

Final note - please don't ever try to diss Tie Domi in front of my face. Not even indirectly. You see, my pastor decided to make a comparison about trading a Wayne Gretzsky card and a Tie Domi one during his sermon. You should've seen my eyes narrowing and glaring at him. OK, Wayne is THE GREAT ONE, and I will never disagree w/ that but Domi's not bad (he's great!). Pcan (my pastor) made it sound as if Tie Domi was worthless! :P In fact, I confronted him too, after the service! Unfortunately, my dad was around, so I wasn't able to punch (I mean argue with... yes... hehe) him :P hehehe. At least PCan corrected his own comment by acknowledging Domi in many ways last night when we met up... :)

4.08.2003

More random tidbits

I'm supposed to be in "study" mode right now, so I'll keep my blog in pt form style today. As you can probably see, my blog entries are lacking substance as each day passes... hopefully that will change after my final tomorrow. :) (Yes, I have a final in 18 hours and here I am blogging... yet I'm supposed to learn stuff about Korean civilization, dating back from 3000 BC to 1960s... heh!)

~ CruX bookstore - I love that place, but I don't think my wallet likes it as much. It's that discount theological bookstore on campus, by Wycliffe College. Everytime I step in, let it be to fill in the breaks I have between classes or to look for books on my father's behalf, I end up using my credit card. I was there less than a week ago, and I purchased Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis... today, I came out with the updated version of My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers... the modern English version that prob. will make devos easier to understand! But hey, I saved over 40% on Mere Christianity (got it for $8.50) and over 60% for the other book + the music CD that comes w/ it, for $14.95! Not tooooo bad :D It didn't help that the music they played there was nice... and is tempting me to by a box set of jazz CDs since I couldn't stop strumming my fingers, and had to ask the owner what CD he was playing. :D

~ Studying. I don't think I can stand studying nor doing anything school related anymore. As I've mentioned already, I'm supposed to be studying right now, not blogging away. However, I can't even read more than one sentence from my study notes without running upstairs to check my ICQ or do something else... anything not related to Koryo or Choson :P (Korean Dynasties, similar to Tang, Sung, Yuan, Ming, etc... for China) Sadly, I still have four more to study for after tomorrow's final... but for sure, I'm taking tomorrow night off! :)

~ Music. I was studying at Second Cup while waiting for my mother to run some errands before eating lunch... and they had 98.5 or something like that blasting out of their speakers. It was all okay until I heard this: "Man, I feel like a woman!" GAAAAAAH! Bad memories! You see, I try to abide w/ my personal rule to NOT listen to any music the day before a test or an exam... 'cause once during a OAC Calculus test, I was having trouble figuring out a derivative of some sort, and ended up thinking "Man, I feel like a woman"... :P I don't think I kicked butt on that test :) Nevertheless, let's hope I won't have another deja-vu tomorrow during my final.

~ I wanna sleep NOW - but must continue and study.... lovely :P 'nite all :)

Random tidbits

~ Have been doing school work like crazy... I must say, I hate potash! :P One of the two things I've been busy with includes an accounting assignment, where we have to analyse the financials of this stupid company that makes stupid potash. I haven't gone to the extreme like Trish, where she's totally againts potash and refuses to eat anything that is made either by potash or w/ the help of potash. That's practically everything except for meat. She'd rather get fat than eat stuff made w/ potash. I think I like food too much to go to that extreme... but I was close. :D My part's completed, as I have to move on w/ more important things in life... like my final on Wednesday which I've got a LOT to review.

~ Sometime during a break from potash, I decided to play w/ my digital cam... as a result, this is what happened:

Mind you, this was taken before the stress build-up was at its maximum... which was this wkend. :D I look waaaay too happy in this picture. I should've taken another one where I was pulling my hair out like crazy.

~ Is school making my eye sight weird? Is it just me, or do I see kids wearing hockey skates in front of their lawns, and actually skate on their lawn? Nope... dad verified it. Due to the weird ice storm in April, all the driveways and lawns in the neighbourhood became like an ice rink... the layer of ice above the pile of snow added to the effect :) Strange how it's already Apr 8th, and it's snowing 8cm. Craziness.

~ The adrenaline that keeps me goin' in midst of crazy school work: mom & dad's love, clodhoppers, TVB drama breaks, random digicam pics, friends, coffee, God, music :)

~ Fluctuating thoughts - yes school has been ruining my thoughts. I've been thinking on one hand how I look forward to studying for exams... and kick butt on them, but the next minute, I think dread studying for them and think I'll do poorly. Gaaaaahs.

~ More to come... but must first crrraaaaaam like there's no tomorrow :)

4.04.2003

Every Season || Nichole Nordeman

Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You
In children's games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer

And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn

And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
Shivers underneath
And still I notice you
When branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season's change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring

4.03.2003

Thoughts in midst of crazy days...

Yes, I didn't expect the last two weeks of school would make me go insane. Sadly, it is. Nevertheless, I'm almost done studying for my final (that's next week... but since I have a project due also, I thought I'd study first and work on the project, and simply revisit my study notes the day before the final)! It's just that ugly project I have to get out of the way... that is giving me a headache. At the same time, I must learn how to differentiate between 'slacking off' and 'needing a break'. :P Let's just say I've been feeling guilty for taking breaks and have trouble trying to relax :(. I'm slowly learning... seeing how I'm here!!

Anyway, I've been thinking about ROT-man for a while, and last night's conversation w/ Sabrina made me want to write about it even more. Heck, I could've postponed it, but seeing how my blog has been relatively still for the past few days, I'll 'energize' it :).

Three years ago, around this time (or maybe around May), I was debating whether to choose between my acceptances to Laurier or UT... At that time, I wanted to get out of Toronto, away from everything; I was gung-ho about going to Laurier. Somehow, during that last day before sending in my OUAC form, I decided to go to UT. I wasn't sure if I made a great decision... and in fact, it wasn't until this year that I realized it was a great decision... not because UT is a great school (*gag* if I said that!), but simply 'cause of all the things I've learned not from my classes, but from dealing with many situations and things, and of course, friends!

ROT-man sucks, I must admit. Being inside an MBA school, facing all these ppl at school (let it be undergrads or mbas) who are oh-so-business-like sucks. Like the way my friend says it, some people there aren't very... sincere? Being at UT alone doesn't help, since the school is soooo big. I think the only friend I've kept in touch w/ constantly since first year is Magda (hi!). :) As time wore on, I slowly began to see the reasons why God prompted me to go to UT. Obviously, to keep a long story short, I wanted to leave Toronto for the wrong reason - to run away from a situation... (but then, the whole independence issue w/ my parents and I was also part of the reason). However, that oh-so-big problem slowly resolved (I think it took 2 years?).

I think at UT, I'm being taught a lesson - how to deal with people... You see, I know waaaaay too many people on campus, but only as an acquaintance, some not even. Esp. in business school, people don't easily trust one and other, and topics mentioned are usually very superficial... it's either about school or other not-so-important things. The competitiveness displayed with many students and the program itself is one true example of how 'friendly' the environment is. Even as Trish mentioned once in her blog, it's sad how people are so secretive about the smallest things, like a formal. I've had my bad experiences of trusting people too easily, being through nasty competitions, and have been upset simply 'cause in first year, I thought someone was a 'friend' even when she didn't care much about me.

Nevertheless, I'm fortunate enough to say I've met a small handful of people that I'm glad to call them my friends. :) They know who they are :D It's really w/ them that I can truly be myself... (heck, I've been told once by someone that ppl thought I was QUIET. HAHAHAHAHA....!) So here's to: Kensington Market, Hockey Chats, Tuesday Breaks away from campus, group studying at Second Cup for law, Starbucks chat, Il Fornello nights, drives home from ASUT events, Pacific Mall, Lattes galore, 2nd yr eco classes, water bottle fettish, and many more. Thank you for making my life at UT somewhat better than expected...

I've also learned to appreciate my parents more, especially my mom. I wonder how I'd get through the crazy weeks (just like this one!) without her constant encouragement and methods of trying to make me relaxed... (she got me bath salts even though we both know I don't take baths!). My view of them has changed drastically since first year... if I didn't stay in Toronto, I wouldn't have really had chances to chat w/ them about difficulties at school... which would prevent me from knowing that they understand me full well, and simply want me to be happy in the end. Today's chat w/ my mom made me realize that she does expect me to achieve a certain goal... but ultimately, she wants me to relax and enjoy the ride. (and this is coming from my mom... if you know her, you'd be surprised!) Despite my uncertainty about the future career issue, she still emphasizes that it isn't important... "just finish school first, and we'll see where God takes you..."

I love friends and family :) Thanks, God for giving them to me :D

4.01.2003

Happy April Fools Day!

From mother nature.... :P

I can't believe it's still snowing.

musings and reflections of hollyholz