musings and reflections of hollyholz

Can't wait 'til...

...July! I think I've finally decided to not take the course I originally registered for. I think. In the meantime, that's the only thing that's keeping me going for the past few weeks - the fact that I will be able to enjoy a bit of my summer.

Actually come to think of it, my summer officially starts on June 28th - Mamma Mia and 360, here I come :) Summer Conference follows the day after... wheeeee!

So, I read Lyds' blog the other day, and thought I should have a productive - and relaxing - summer. I think I'm gonna take up her 10-book challenge. Recently, I've been yearning to read more and more for some strange recent, probably because anything else besides reading up on information technology is much more interesting. While browsing through some books last night, I realize I have a LOT of books around the house that should've been read a long time ago. Well, let's see if Holly meets up to that challenge this summer. Some books in mind include: The Poisonwood Bible, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, The Case of Faith, Mere Christianity, and others.

Another thing I'm looking forward to is a trip to Niagara Falls... :) Albeit it's only a one day trip,and it's so close to home, it doesn't matter... I'm just looking forward to going :) Unfortunately, we're taking the greyhound there, so I'm still quite unsure as to how we're gonna get around the area.

Oh, and friends! Although many of them are in Waterloo right now, I still have friends I really wanna get together in town... I have a lot to catch up on in regards to what they've been up to. As for them catching up on me, there isn't much since I really don't have much of an interesting life at this moment. Very routine like - work, school, sleep, work, sleep, work, school, sleep, etc.

I'm also very excited as my aunt and possibly my uncle (from the States) are coming over to visit my mom and grandparents. I really look forward to these visits esp. from my aunt, not only 'cause she brings me funky things from Japan, but also 'cause she's really down to earth and interesting to talk to. :)

Just like the Christmas holidays, I'm very sad that it's going by so quickly, but at the same time, 'cause of my mom, I'm glad it's going rather quickly.

Only one more month... :)

posted by Holz @ 1:10 PM |

The new girl

A new girl at a new school. Knowing only one person in the school, she timidly strolls through the halls, helplessly looking for her first class, that happens to be in a portable. Inside, she's thinking "Get me out of this hellhole... I'm going to fasttrack through high school." When she finally reaches the portable, she's looking around for a seat; she sees this nice Chinese girl, and decides to brave it out and ask if she could sit next to her. Asking for her name, turns out this nice Chinese girl's name was K.

K, being the awesome girl she is, takes the new girl around, and eventually becomes one of her closest friends in high school. In fact, K and her group of friends are the ones who made the new girl think of her new target to have a crush on. : ) After a year of having a crush on a white boy, the new girl decides it just isn't gonna work out. After being asked, "So, who do you have a crush on?" only after being at the new school for three days, the new girl couldn't really come up w/ anyone in mind, except for the one person she knew before goin' to the school.

Slowly, but surely, the new gal develops a crush on the only guy she first knew of. K knows of the story from the very beginning, and encourages the new girl through daily notes to think of "the object of her affection." As the new girl goes through the second term of the school year, she meets more friends, who slowly finds out of this girl's crush, and makes fun of her incessantly. At one point, it is hilarious, because the girl's friend J keeps making hints to crush of the girl.

Fortunately, for what seemed like an eternity, after a year of scaring the guy off, they actually got to know each other more. Little did she expect what would happen that summer after... let's just say, she hasn't had a crush on anyone since then.

===

Yes, I've resorted to story telling... whether the story's real or not, that's for me to know and you to find out. Haha :) But I guess it brings out one point in particular - nothing I write in this blog is without purpose, let it be to vent and to reminisce (for my own benefit, and not necessarily yours!), or just to share w/ you all what my thoughts are on certain issues in life.

Purpose of this blog? Just to appreciate the friends in my life, just like K and J in the story :)

posted by Holz @ 11:21 AM |

Updated pics

Yes, I'm leaving my blog untouched in the short meantime. Perhaps I'll have more time to blog on Wednesday after my boss leaves for the week. Yay.

In the meantime, look at the visuals --> my pbase gallery

posted by Holz @ 11:00 PM |

The inbox

I didn't expect a mailbox clean up of my Yahoo! account would lead to many fond memories and friendships. It made me realize how I've lost touch w/ certain friends that meant a lot to me, and helped me lots during those times of struggle. This particular forward I found in the inbox, however, made me less sad about losing the closeness I once had w/ these friends of mine.

A Reason, A Season or a Lifetime.....

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet
a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come
to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance
and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the
reason, you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your
part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do
something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force
you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has
been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your
turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an
experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something
you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount
of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things
you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people any way;
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships
and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship
is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life.....

Nevertheless, I am being reminded that I should try and contact these people that mean a lot to me... even though I don't talk to them as much presently, what they have done in the past hasn't been forgotten, and I certainly don't believe that people will walk in and out of your life just like that after making such an impact on you. This group of people includes people I grew up with, teachers that have taught and shaped me, older girls who were like the sisters I've never had, and just friends I've met along life's journey.

I think this little trip through my inbox is reminding me that my recent slack in keeping in touch w/ people has to end... just realizing how many people I've lost touched w/ saddens me a little, even though I still do see some of them from time to time.

On a totally unrelated note, many memories came into mind while reading through these emails. The correspondence I've kept during my trips to Hong Kong and Russia reminds me of the trips themselves. Ah yes, and fond memories of a high school girl's crush comes to mind too while reading these old emails.... hehe.

Holz's theme recently is expecting the unexpected... I totally didn't anticipate reminiscing on these past emails when all I wanted to do was clear up storage sapce. I'm still a bit speechless. :)

posted by Holz @ 12:10 AM |

In addendum

Just as I was talking about living the life yesterday, today's fellowship was really amazing, in that God was speaking to me thru Jesse. I think living the life really consists of four words: "Let go, let God"... that is, in my case. Writing about living the life was one way to remind me, but it was totally different from actually hearing it. Living the life really doesn't consist of my own efforts; rather, it is whether we want God to take the steering wheel while we cease striving... let it be solving our problems, and other things. Anyway, a deep and thought provoking night for myself tonight. Originally, I was very tired going to fellowship, and didn't have the right mindset... all I cared about really was seeing people and just relaxing. Instead of a relaxing night, however, I had a pretty intense night, with a lot of reflecting involved.

Anyway, I just thought how it was interesting that last night's thoughts led to tonight's revelation.

In other news, Holly has a new sifu for photography - Jesse. Yes, I suck too much at using my own camera, and am in a dire need of his expertise. :D I can't wait 'til July, 'cause that's when I'll be spending more time with A LOT of things: family, friends, camera, everything.

Albiet this summer has been very busy so far, I know it's used as a way to mould me and to shape me up, to make me realize the greater need of God, and that my own strength is nothing compared to even a teeny bit of His.

All in all, a reflective night. Good things and wake up calls do really come when it is the most unexpected.

posted by Holz @ 12:51 AM |

Masquerade?

I remember reading briefly about this movie titled "masquerade" in the Brio magazine for girls. A conversation I had w/ AnaV today sparked up this topic about split personalities, how people have two fronts. We were actually talking about a lot of the people in our program, and how we really only know their "business" fronts.

We then went on to really say if it was "okay" to have two fronts... as I was telling AnaV, some people I deal with are very business-y, but at the same time, I realise that their "real" selfs may be very different and very nice. It's just that they're not really pretending to be someone who they aren't, but rather, choose to deal w/ people in a professional manner and leave the relationship as is. That's the way I see it personally.

That was our conversation. However, after class, I sat back and thought about something a friend once said; she mentioned that she had her church and regular life separated, in that her friends at school weren't aware of her faith, nor did she choose to reveal that side of her. Faith didn't play a part of her life at school and vice versa. In a way, this situation was the same as the above scenario I was discussing w/ AnaV... but I wouldn't consider it to be "okay" to separate the two, simply 'cause you should really live by something you believe in... or rather, you should try your bestest (haha, I know it isn't a real word!) in that retrospect. I think St. Francis of Assisi, and Michael W. Smith following his quote says it the best:

"'Preach the Gospel to all the world and if necessary, use words.' The world is tired of hearing Christians doing so much talking. They want to see us living what we say we believe."
- Michael W. Smith

Ahh, something I need to remember... "living the life."

For the world to know the truth
There can be no greater proof
Than to live the life, live the life
There's no love that's quite as pure
There's no pain we can't endure
If we live the life, live the life
Be a light for all to see
For every act of love will set you free
~MWS

posted by Holz @ 10:40 PM |

Pictures...

Before I continue, I am in awe w/ Jesse's pics on his blog. He is one fine photographer... (perhaps I should tell him that in person, hehe). Another thing is, I'm finally getting some photography vibes back! I was longing to have my camera around at some point in time yesterday and today.... :) Yays!

Wow, it didn't occur to me until today why I love pictures so much. Not only does it capture memories, it also captures mixed feelings. What matters to the photographer is that his/her perception or feelings of something is conveyed in the picture he/she takes... but to an bystander, it could havea totally different interpretation, good or bad. However, what the bystander thinks doesn't really matter (or at least I personally believe) to the photographer, unless if it's some sort of business relationship where the photographer owes a duty to take great pictures to a certain party. Like the saying, a picture is worth a thousand words, a picture leaves much room for people to think what the picture is getting at.

Where am I getting at? Let's just say I'm feeling a tad bit mysterious right now :)

posted by Holz @ 7:59 PM |

Thoughts running in and out of my head

Why running in and out? I think of things all the time, but I also have a habit of forgetting these thoughts... anyway, here goes:

- Friends
Yes, this topic is on my mind once in a while, and never disappears. I've come to the realization that I will never have this friendship thing down pact. While chatting w/ Lyds, I realize that in my world, there are two types of friends: those whom are just your friends in different phases of your life, and those who are there no matter what. Lyds, for instance, fits in the latter category... even though we've both been very busy, and haven't met up for the past few months, whenever we chat, we can have a deep or simple conversation. However, there are those that I talk to often, but can never seem to go into any... deep or thought provoking conversations. These types of friends also tend to be around for a few months, disappear for another few, and the reappear months later. Just a thought.

- Worship
Sarah, Nevin, Matt, and I led worship this past Sunday, and I must say that it was an awesome worship for myself personally. We had some nice reflecting time during a song, and the message itself was quite thought provoking and encouraging. I really enjoy teaming up w/ Sarah and co... it's just like the old days. What I really like is the songs - we sang worship songs that made us reflect... not too many songs, but lots of thinking and emotions attached w/ them.

- Photography?
Yes, I'm lacking my photography vibes. Can't seem to take good pictures lately. I guess being cooped up inside the house or at the office doesn't really help, does it? However, my dad's been having lotsa fun w/ the camera lately...

It's taken me the whole day to blog... gaaahs. Anyway, I'm off in 15, so must prep to jet :D (someone is very happy here... i wonder who!)

posted by Holz @ 4:34 PM |

It's been too long...

...but I'm [sorta] back :) It's just that this is my first wk juggling btwn school and work, and trust me, it's not a fun ride. I come home everyday tired and cranky, and I miss my family and friends lots. I spent my long wkend studying and spending QT time w/ family and people from fellowship. So what have I been up to lately? Lemme think...

~ Book study on The Purpose Driven Life
Some of us in Josiah (my fellowship at church) are doing a book study for the book, The Purpose Driven Life. I've been very excited about this book study 'cause it's a medium in which a bunch of us could keep each other accountable and also a way for us to know each other better. I'm also very excited 'cause Waiki just came back from Campus Challenge w/ some new methods to keep the group growing in prayer. Despite being swamped w/ school and stuff, I've got enough energy to do my readings and stuff... now, I only have to pick up the phone and call my partner... hehe :) Nevertheless, something to keep me goin' despite the depressing and mundane life of going to work and school...

~ Dad...
I used to hate math SO much 'cause my dad tutored people on that subject. Unfortunately, I got the free lessons and received TWICE the torture at home. Now that I'm taking a course on business information systems, my dad's very giddy and excited about it, 'cause it's totally in his field. (He used to work in the info system department at his old company) He's taking advantage of our car rides to lecture me on the wonderful information systems that Loblaws or Ticketmaster would possibly have. Unfortunately, he gives them at the worst times... when I'm tired from a full day or when I just want to talk about anything NOT related to school. As a double whammy, he gives these lectures in the CAR, when it's actually moving, so I can't really escape. Ah wells.... it doesn't seem too bad though :)

~ Family Time
Yes, with every spare minute I've got, I try to stay at home before planning any social events for myself. Today, I spent the entire day w/ my grandparents while my parents went out to Edwards Gardens with a bunch of their friends from church. While they had fun, I was just studying at my grandparents, while trying to keep them accompany... (I haven't spent quality time w/ them for a month!) While loading the pictures from the digicam, I noticed a lot of fun and lovely pics of my parents. :) (Let's just say they're not mushy pictures at all, but still, it was pretty and lovely!) I guess this whole situation at home (specifically related to my mom) for the past few months has really made us realize how important family is... not just for me, but also for my parents too. This year has been one where I've truly experienced that out of bad situations comes many valuable lessons and good situations. :)

~ Work
I love my seat, but the women I sit with are very... um... strange. Well, not really. They're just all waaaay too old for me (like my mom's age) and what they talk about are kinda weird. Strange enough, they keep up w/ American Idol. Still... I haven't watched since the auditions, so I have no idea what they've been talking about. Let the emails continue though :) I've been keeping my emailing buddies, so thanks toSarah, Lyds, Mags, and others for keeping my day rather entertaining... msg me though, if you feel compelled to join the "let's entertain holly at work" campaign. :D It will be greatly appreciated!

Anyway, time for bed. Long day ahead tomorrow!

posted by Holz @ 11:55 PM |

THIS is amazing...

Since I've received a complaint about not regularly updating my blog, while I think of something interesting to blog about, amuse yourself w/ the following link....:

http://yugop.com/ver3/stuff/03/fla.html

This is some kick-a stuff :)

posted by Holz @ 12:17 AM |

Underestimating things...

...wow, I didn't expect my summer to be so busy THIS quickly. I haven't had much time to relax since I started work... and haven't seen any friends for a while 'cause I'm either at work, school, or home. On top of that, I have extra school stuff to deal with... While talking to Peggy the other day, she was saying how I could spend more time w/ my camera and practicing more photography and stuff. Last week, Joe and I were talking about how I could possibly start up my own page. Haha... if only I had the time to explore those things :P

This looks like a repeat of last summer. However, last year was different, in that I chose to take a course w/o going to class, whereas this year, I am actually going to class. The course seems manageable so far though... business info systems, yay! (note the sarcasm?)

I think my current struggle is to really find joy in doing something that doesn't particularly tickle my fancy. I'm not talking about work or school, but rather other not-so-important things in life. Let's just say, there are some things that I'm involved with that I don't mind joining, but at the same time, I don't find it to be something I should live for. At one point in time, I did enjoy being involved, but much has changed since then, and no longer does that feeling exist. Thought I'd express myself before going nuts. Yes, I keep my own feelings towards myself too much at times, to the pt where I'm thinking too much.

What am I longing for right now? I seriously don't mind school and work... but that's really all I want right now. I guess I'm longing for:
~ time with friends and family
~ time for my camera
~ time to clean my room
~ time for church besides goin' on Sundays and Fridays...
~ time for leisure reading

Basically, I want more time... :D Ah wells.

Things at work have surprisingly become busier; usually my busy season starts in June... I'm finding that I don't have the time to blog at work, nor do I have ideas and stuff on what to blog about. After all, being cooped up in the office for a big chunk of the day and also being in school, that doesn't leave much time for interesting thoughts and things to blog about... hehe. However, I'm finding that emails do really help ppl keep in touch more... Sarah and I have been exchanging emails at least once per day at work (since I have NO access to ICQ), so it's been quite interesting "chatting" with her and others. In fact, I think that was the only way Carol and I kept in touch over the summer - I haven't seen her since a year and a bit ago, yet we still chatted and kept in touch!

All righty, time to get jiggy 'wit it and amuse myself w/ the world of Total Quality Management, Just-in-Time systems, Business Process Reengineering methodolgies, and other lovely information systems usage. Yay.

posted by Holz @ 6:25 PM |

I spoke too soon...

... I mentioned in the last blog that I didn't need any rest. Well, I take that back. I feel rather exhausted and tired right now, and am feeling very blah. Perhaps with less than two days 'til summer school begins, and with some tasks accumulating from extra-currics, I find that life is rather mundane.

Blah.

And my computer froze on me before, so my long blog got deleted.

What a day... ah wells, at least you guys know that I'm still alive. Perhaps I'll blog from work tomorrow.

posted by Holz @ 12:28 AM |

And here goes to 3...

...years of university done. Finished another year of schooling today. I must say, it's been an incredible year not because of how well or how poorly I've done in school, but rather how God's been working all throughout the year.

I started the school year on the TTC, while heading to school. As I was dreading the first day of classes during the bus ride, I suddenly had the urge to say a prayer, asking God to guide me throughout this year, and that I'd leave everything up to Him. Heck, the only thing I thought of at that time was whether or not I could survive the third year... after hearing horror stories of 3rd year accounting courses and of course, the wrath of Finance. Never did I expect such a simple prayer to bring some much in return. No, I didn't get kick ass marks, nor did I achieve anything spectacular, but I knew this year was different from the first two.

Things weren't particularly easy. Especially not during the second term, when I thought I wouldn't be able to deal with the stress from school and with things going at home. Most of the marks I got back at school were above my expectations (which aren't extremely high until the end of the school year) and I still managed to have time for family, not as much but still some for friends, and also for God.

It's been one heck of a ride, and I got through it with His grace. :) Thanks, God.

And as a tradition, Vicks picked me up from my exam today. She picked me up last year too after my last exam... and we went shopping like crazy over $1 items :) It was fun spending time with one of my longest childhood friends. :D Ooooh, the start to meeting up w/ ppl and spending time with friends! :) I don't need rest, I need time to chill w/ ppls!

posted by Holz @ 11:22 PM |

Oh, the small things in life...

Only T-48 hours to go... three down, one to go. Can't wait. In fact, my friend Euge already started asking me for after-exam plans already...! However, the next 48 hours are rather critical... seeing how I'm having trouble answering the practice exam questions accurately. Dang finance.

However, anything is making me giddy. Anything big or small... that includes:
- good bargains - great reads for $10, including C.S. Lewis books!
- going out for errands - such as making a quick stop at Costco
- answering a 4 mark question correctly on the practice exams.... yay, at least i'll get 4% on my exam!
- getting emails - from mirvish productions to personal ones :)
- the raindrops... i love the sound of rain falling on the roof.

I guess anything that isn't related w/ finance will make me incredibly giddy :) only two more days.. only two more days.

Some numbers for you though:
2 - # of fingernails bitten to the max due to anxiety
7 - the minimum # of zits on my face
1 - # of exams to go
3 - days to go until I start work

posted by Holz @ 8:56 PM |

You know something's wrong when...

...you're doing all this:

- spending an hour online trying to get hold of 2 tickets to see Mamma Mia (plus a lovely dinner at a nice restaurant and a Blue Jays Game) for $85
- longing to go outside in this incredibly beautiful weather
- making horrible attempts at trying to sing like Josh Groban or Charlotte Church
- eagerly checking or replying to any sort of email, let it be very important or just stupid confirmations from a sales order
- blogging

What's wrong with all of the above? Nothing really, unless if you have an exam in less than 24 hours... like me. Heh. We'll see what happens during the exam tomorrow at 9am :P At least I successfully scored two cheap Mamma Mia tickets!

posted by Holz @ 6:41 PM |

A webpage for me?

I wish.

As I was taking a study break at Second Cup a few days ago, I thought to myself,"if only I had a webpage... what would I do with it?"

I guess what really sparked this thought up was my photo log; if I wanted to continue w/ my photo log for a LONG time, it would pose several problems, including a) lack of web space available (since my utoronto web space is rather limited), and b) layout - in that my current layout would take forever to load for ppl who have slower 'net connections, including my own.

So, going back on topic... what I would do include in my ideal webpage:
- my personal blog... meaning the one you're reading right now
- my photo log... I want to do something like this photo log, instead of having five or six pictures per site
- my photo album - I'm happy w/ my pbase gallery, but in the long run, I want to have something similar to that on my personal site... I wonder how I could implement that
- a restaurant review page - something I've been wanting to do since last summer, but never got to since I had no camera to take lovely pics of dishes...
- a section for hilarious emails, forwards, etc.
- a shout out section
- a hockey section :) or maybe simply a Tie Domi section mwhahahaha.
- a 'friend/family/person of the week or month section' - speaking of which, I haven't really blogged about a friend of mine in a while... oops :)
- links galore - for personal, photography, games, etc.
- forum? guestbook for sure, but no one would probably sign it... just like the one I have for this page :P
- any more ideas?

Anyway, the list will probably grow as more ideas pop up. In the meantime, a girl can only dream, as she lacks the money and html/css/all those crazy web programming skillz. Oooh, another problem - I would have NO idea what to choose for the web url, except for hollyholz.com as Lyds voted for it sometime last year.

Techies, I need help..... please? :D Train me to become some wicked web designer. :) Mwhahahaha. I also need help in locating a nice cheap web hosting service (is this a good one?), and some help in interpreting weird, but definitely wicked sites like movable type. Oof, some many ideas. Haha :)

Okay, I think the excessive "mwhahahaha" tells me that I need some peace and rest... :P

posted by Holz @ 1:05 AM |

I find that when I just wanna blab, I never bother to think of a blog title. Heh.

Anyway, I was planning to continue w/ my hardcore studying after my late dinner, but I came upstairs to check my messages and stuff. My friend left me a message saying our Korean Civ mark was posted on ROSI... *Holly's heart was beating rather quickly and heavily* I went online timidly to check, to not only find out my korean mark, but also my auditing mark!!! It was rather surprising seeing how the exam was only last week... and much more surprising when I found out that I passed my exam, considering that I came out of the exam room "looking as if I saw someone died in front of my very own eyes" (according to Andrew) and sobbing uncontrollably.

I'm so happy that I can't even study.... :) In fact, I feel much more energized. International Econ and Finance, bring it on! (okay, maybe not... we'll see about that.)

Oh what a happy day for myself and some dude who got a job. AND the ducks are close to saying 'bye bye' to Dallas and movin' onto the next round. Yays! :) (I am easily amused... hehe)

posted by Holz @ 12:04 AM |