musings and reflections of hollyholz: 07/01/2003

7.24.2003

Hiatus?

This blog has been on hiatus for the past while... (hey, if you look back at my archives, a week is considerably long compared to my frequent entries from the past) Of course, it wasn't intentionally planned for it to be left alone, but it's just that lately, I've been having trouble thinking of what to write. I refuse to blog about my day (with the exception to events leading to a memorable day) simply for the sake of blogging.

What has caused this pause in my almost-daily ramblings? The lack of motivation to do many, if not all, things. Part of me wants to do something whereas the other part wants to do nothing. Complete juxtaposition. Thus, nothing meaningful comes out of what I do... nothing worth writing about.

I realize that some others who I talk to on a regular basis are also going through the same struggle as to finding joy and motivation in what they do. Not that it really makes me happy that they're miserable (of course not!), but it does make me wonder why it's happening especially during this time of the year where everyone is refreshed and excited 'cause it's the summer.

Could it be the weather? Other factors? Inner struggles? I have no clue.

Anyone feeling the same blues though?

However, I've decided that I will no longer allow this to happen. Hahahaha. No, seriously, I'm not going to have it deter me from doing many things. We'll see how this goes.

7.18.2003

The Mission Field

We often think of missions as going somewhere away from home, let it be close to home - such as the city, or far from home - such as another continent. With my uncle here in Toronto, his presence, along with a string of events and conversations, has reminded me of where the mission field is.

As I was celebrating my grandma's birthday yesterday at a Chinese restaurant in Chinatown, I noticed the man sitting at the table across from us. In his hand was a beer bottle, and he was adorned with gold chains. Bluntly said, it was his "ghetto" look that caught my attention. Then something else distracted me from his aesthetics and exterior look - his t-shirt. No, he wasn't wearing some fancy schmancy Burberry or Hugo Boss shirt, but a very simple shirt that had a picture, and had the words "PRAY HARD." By no means can I really say anything about this man - whether he was a Christian or not - 'cause I don't know him. Nevertheless, it got me thinking, making me realize it is critical that as Christian, we should really be aware of how WE ourselves live out our lives.

This thought brought me back to an earlier "conversation" (actually, it was an email, since I have resorted to using my work email as my chatting program) I had with Elaine. We were actually talking about worship in general, but she brought out a good point in that nothing matters when we have words without actions. Simply put, by saying you have faith and that you believe in God, but your life reflects nothing of that means nothing.

Now, how about my uncle? My uncle, who's currently visiting us up north, actually made me reminisce on the old times, especially the summer I went to visit him in Fresno, California. I recall my dad getting lost around the neighbourhood when driving back to my uncle's place, and ended up turning around and getting directions at a church parking lot. After dad got the information he needed, we drove off; just before exciting the church parking lot, there was a sign that says "You are now entering the mission field."

The book I am currently reading, "Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them" mentions even a single word could affect people in big or small ways. "Every word we speak has the power either to give a little life to people or to destroy a little bit of their spirit and vitality,"as John Ortberg writes. In the same way, every word AND action we speak and do has the power to change someone's feelings, thoughts, perceptions, etc.

Anyway, just something to think about. Your mission doesn't necessarily have to be far away... it could just be amongst those you see everday.

7.16.2003

"A Favour to Ask"

Here's something I received at work today from my co-worker AB:

From: D, AB
Sent: Wednesday, 16 July,2003 5:30 PM
To: Ho, Holly
Subject: A favour to ask

Holly,

I have friends from Pakistan who are planning to visit go camping through canada. They have asked me if I know where they might be able to go without spending large amounts of money. I told them that you lived in Canada for a long time and you might know some place for them to stay cheap. They travel light Holly and bring all their own camping gear, and only require a small place to set up. I have given them your name and email for them to contact you. I have enclosed a picture so you know who it is if they call you or email you.

Thanks Hollz

AB

CLICK HERE

Seeing how it was 5:30pm and I was just about to kill anyone in sight (I was working OT), this cracked me up big time. AND it's an original :) Enjoy!

7.14.2003

Still around

Wow, guys can be very thoughtful :) To be explained later.

Right now, it's relatives galore here in Toronto, and I've been eating out waaaaaay too much :P

Nevertheless, must sleep and await for another day of work. Tata!

7.11.2003

Random blahs

- The "IN" thing right now - being able to "talk whale" :) uuuooooooookkuuuuaaay :) I know at least Karen and Joe both can speak whale ;) Can you? If not, you're just simply not cool enough for us.

- I survived the work day with only two sips of caffeine. I'm proud of myself :)

- Now that I have new books (well, they're at the postal office right now), I need new CDs. :)

- As of late, my blogs have been lacking in substance. :P This tells me that I need more "ME" time

- Friendster. Seems like it's the current fad. What's Asianavenue again?
I actually only like Friendster 'cause of its cool "degrees of separation" indicator. That's kinda funky. Not that I like AA that much, but I'd prefer the HTML styles of AA rather than the rigid style Friendster has.

- I need sleep... :P

Will blog later :) In the meantime, speak whale! :)

7.09.2003

Random scribbles

- Question of the day: If you could go anywhere, where would you go?

- I need more time at home, just to relax, clean, and spend time with my parents. I've been out 'til 10:30pm every night... albeit it's not really late, I come home exhausted. With my relatives coming this week, I don't think I'll have much ME time either.

- Went to Pangaea with Lyds, Matt M, and their friend Cath. :) Great ppl... we had a great time lounging and watching Much & Ashanti...; Pangaea was good... but I liked YYZ Restaurant better... I felt I got a better deal coming out of YYZ than I did with Pangaea. Also, I felt more comfortable at YYZ than I did at Pangaea. Tonight's the final night out... with Clary at Sintra :) Portuguese food... yummy.

- I miss him

- Cujo's no longer in Detroit! Haha, sucker. (Yes, you can prob. tell I love that man very much)

- Aunt's coming tomorrow! :) Yay!

- I am very bored right now. Guess where I'm at... :P go figure.

7.08.2003

The Potter's Hands | Darlene Zschech

Beautiful Lord, Wonderful Saviour
I know for sure
All of my days are held in Your hand,
Crafted into Your perfect plan.

You gently call me, into Your presence
Guiding me by You Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord,
to live all of my life through Your eyes.

I'm captured by Your holy calling
Set me apart, I know You're drawing me to Yourself
Lead me Lord, I pray.

Take me, mold me, use me, fill me
I give my life to the Potter's hands
Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter's hands

7.07.2003

And the fat lady sings...

...actually, not in my situation. Yes I'm becoming fat due to Summerlicious, but I can't sing. My stupid CD drive isn't working at work, so I don't have music to keep me company.

Steakfrites was awesome last night :) Another highly recommendation, albeit Ian and I didn't really like the starters and dessert on their fixe prix menu. I'm not a big fan of gazpacho of any sort... do call to see if they have spots though; apparently, I have friends who are able to make reservations for top notch restaurants now, since people cancel or don't show up last minute.

Enough about food. What's currently on my mind?

Learning lots about discernment and judgement. Fellowship and worship. Don't worry, I'm not feeling weird or depressed, but I'm just learning somethings the harder, but more authentic way.

Sunday worship was awesome yesterday. I love serving w/ the team I'm with... I guess it's just a good click, no? It's also 'cause everyone is very focused, and we're all on the same page when it comes to the primary reason why we're on the team.

On another unrelated topic, I am currently struggling with my own book challenge; I only read 20 pages of The Chronicles of Narnia: The Magician's Newphew. Even though it is a children's book (or at least it is classified as one at the church library), I find that there are lots reflected in the book. I'm not really understanding it... either I must be a) really stupid or b) overanlysing the book. Any thoughts? Would anyone like to tell me what Uncle Andrew represents? What's so important about Polly?

Anyway, lunch is just around the corner, albeit I won't be eating much. You see, instead of going to EDO tonight w/ AnaV, we're going to another restaurant with a REALLY good and filling menu. (She heard bad reviews on the portions EDO serves) Can't wait...! While AnaV can't wait for the food, I can't wait to get out of the office and spend some girl talk time :)

7.06.2003

Visual Updates!

I really should get crackin' with my 'other' blog, but haven't really had any inspirational moments to post something up.

I haven't really thought of anything in particuar to blog about at the moment, but have worked on my pbase gallery... so go there to look at old and new pics :)

http://www.pbase.com/soc_20

Sarah - her and our girls day out :)

I've really grown closer to Sarah these past few years. I think it's 'cause she took initiative to get to know me when I first started to go to UT; we attempted to have lunch every week outside Hart House and from there on, we just started to get to know each other better and shared more. She's the one that got me talking more about a certain someone, the one that made me go nuts and make all these reservations for summerlicious (she did it for her and her friends, and I did the same... haha), and the one that I share a lot of :) and :( with. She's also the one that sees me everytime I get majorly tipsy. (to be explained later)

Anyway, my main intent of this blog was to really share one of the most relaxing days I've had in the longest time, and Sarah was part of it... so just to start it of, I thought I'd also share a bit about a person that means lots to me. Seriously, with school out of the way for two months, and putting aside all the other stressful things in life, I just enjoyed my day :) After piano lessons, I headed to a car dealership w/ my dad and we just had a fun time looking at cars. But the adventure began when I met Sarah at Finch to head down to our Summerlicious venue: Herbs.

MY RECOMMENDATION - GO TO HERBS! :) It's pretty good, and the environment is very nice and relaxing sans the Chinese people (yes, Sarah and I concluded that Chinese ppl take deals, and thus, were at the restaurant all 'cause of summerlicious). I had wine. BAD MISTAKE. It was my first time having cold soup, and we had veal with some sorta pasta. Very Yummy. The sorbet was also just fine... so to those going to summerlicious, I'm sure you won't be disappointed. At least not at Herbs.

As I said, it was a bad mistake having wine... we ended up going back to church to prepare for worship practice at 3, and I ended up falling asleep for an hour and a half. Reason being? I think I was just tired... albeit others don't think the same way. Sarah and I ended up chilling after I woke up and we were addicted to the game "word twist."

Worship practice was was also very uplifting. In light of something a friend and I were discussing about, I really felt awesome just worshipping and praising God...

Here comes the final fun part - Sarah and I were just thinking of seeing "Finding Nemo" and we didn't realize that we would decide to right after worship practice. At the end, we ended up dashing out of church and driving up 100km/h on Yonge just to get to Silvercity in the nick of time. The movie was SO hilarious and cute! A must see, at least for the animations! The plot was cute and the jokes were hi-larious, as Karen puts it. In fact, there's this one fish that looks just like Keroppi in the front! :) (The fishy that was brought by one of the sharks as a "fish friend" at the meeting)

All in all, it was a fun and relaxing day. Looking forward to more fun and relaxing wkends. :)

PS - I don't think I've really blogged about my day for a long time... that was fun :)

7.04.2003

Summer Conference 2003

Lots of good times spent, but also lots of reflection - good and bad. How to sum it up? Point form style :)

- Worship

I didn't think I would be part of the worship team again this year. In fact, when I was considering whether or not to go to SC, one thing I knew was I wanted to take a break from doing things this year. But alas, I ended up serving in both the worship team, the book table, and a cell group. I'm glad I did end up serving.

Now, for those of you reading that didn't go, you would think I'm glad 'cause all went well, and it was just an awesome time praising and singing. Well, you're wrong. If anything, we had all the flip flops one could imagine.

Worship itself wasn't bad... musically and stuff that is. I mean, yes, we did make mistakes and what not, but still, it wasn't that bad. What wasn't there was the same focus - I felt that we couldn't really bring the congregation to worship Him. At times, we did, but at other times, we didn't. To make a long story short, basically the last worship session was a very troubling one for some of us, who felt that we couldn't really worship. Despite the situation, I'm glad we had troubled hearts, rather than be calloused to the situation. I could sense that God was working in many ways, and sometimes, it isn't necessarily a pretty way. At least it really gave many of us an opportunity to reflect what worship is really all about.

- Fellowship

Come to think of it, we didn't really have much fellowship time for our usual fellowships. I don't think Josiah got together at all during the conference. Nevertheless, it was the theme for the cell group both Abe and I were leading. We wanted our CG members to really experience what fellowship is, and have it used as a catalyst in their own lives. Many of us didn't know each other well, but by the end, we were able to secretly communicate w/ each other ;).

I also had special moments where I got to bond with Myles and others. It was with Myles that I really experienced fellowshiping competely, as we were able to go through happy and rough moments together. :) Thanks, Myles.

- Grrrrr.....

On the topic of fellowship, Josiah and Emmanuel (the two fellowships) went through an annual tradition of playing Trivial Pursuit, and sadly, Josiah lost for the second straight year. Regardless, it was just an awesome fellowship time, just to chill with the (way) older folks in Emmanuel. (hehe I'm fortunate that many don't read my blog. Otherwise, I could be killed... for saying that)

- Direction

One of my purposes of going to SC was to really sit down and reflect where God wants me to go in terms of service and what not. Originally, I was planning on going to Niagara Falls with Sarah and co., but something was pulling me back. At the end, I ended up staying on site, and spent some time with Myles. Sarah actually mentioned that there may be a reason God wanted me to stay behind ('cause I personally REALLY wanted to go); it was at that time when God presented an opportunity for me, while I was manning the book table with Myles. I was talking to an Uncle who just asked if I would be interested in helping w/ the library dept... of course, it's something I shouldn't take lightly and definitely something to pray about, but still, it's really interesting what things could come out of situations, especially unexpected ones. On top of that, I had some good fellowshipping time with Myles, who has been very good at corrupting me in various ways :).

- Friendship

I personally think friendship and fellowship is different... simply 'cause fellowship may be spending time together for the same purpose, and friendship... well, it's just simply getting to know each other better and to establish some sort of relationship between two people. SC has opened my eyes in terms of certain people, and also has reminded me of the many opportunities I could establish better friendships with others. :)

Anyway enough ramblings. You can see the visuals here.

Holz's book challenge

As I mentioned earlier this summer, I was originally gonna join Lyds' 10 book challenge; however, seeing how lazy I am, I'll still challenge myself, but won't join her thing. For someone that doesn't read frequently, this is REALLY a big challenge. I'll survive. I actually started though, with C.S. Lewis' "The Chronicles of Narnia." (I'm treating the entire series as if it was a book). Yes, believe it or not, I have never attempted reading those books, albeit I know how fascinating they are.

It's a funny thing... I realize that I can never finish a book, no matter how far or close I am to the ending. What a weird thing.

So, here are the books on my list to read:
- Fast Food Nation: The Dark Side of the American Meal
by Eric Schlosser

- Rising to the Call
by Os Guinness

- Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them
by John Ortberg

- The Chronicles of Narnia
by C.S. Lewis

- The Poisonwood Bible
by Barbara Kingsolver

At one point, I actually considered reading Hilary Clinton's memoir... don't know if I really should though...

I need more recommendations... anything else? I'm looking for anything non-fiction, fiction, and Christian related.

7.03.2003

Holz's thoughts on friendship, fellowship, and other things

- Friendship. I used to think that by the time I reach my parents' age, I would have this whole friendship business behind me and wouldn't have to think. That all changed after a conversation I had with my mother yesterday during an afternoon tea. She has been going through some rough times with a long time friend of hers; it's more or less like a one-way relationship. It was just interesting (albeit a bit sad) to find out that these problems will never cease in anyone's lifetime.

- Fellowship. This past summer conference has taught me what fellowship is really all about. Actually, there are several things that really made an impact on me during SC. (I should really blog about SC...) One thing in particular, though, was the aspect of fellowship. To make a long story short and to save substance for my next blog on SC, I'll just simply say that true fellowship means going through the happiest times and also the toughest times together; it's not just about clickin' with each other, and sharing with each other. It's about going through the rough ride with a fellow brother or sister in need.

- Free Time. Surprisingly, it's something that I haven't had a lot of lately. Things seem to always have to be done. Originally, I had to go to a meeting... and even though I decided not to, I still had planned to get some other work done. You know what though? I think I'll take a break and just relax w/ my mom. Spend some QT w/ family.

- Stress. Another topic I should save for my SC blog... but nevertheless, lots learned.

I've been at my desk for all of 30 minutes since lunch was over. Time is really on my side.... :P it seems like I've been at my desk for more than an hour, but really, I've barely been back and working. I need caffeine. Wheee.

Vancouver 2010

Am I excited? At first, yeah. I mean, having the Olympics in Vancouver, one of my favourite places in the world, is truly amazing. However, AnaV knocked some sense into me in a rather heated email:

"[in response to why she said 'crap' to this piece of news] because if they get it, they're going to tear apart the gorgeous mountains, destroy the environment, create garbage everywhere, have non-stop construction on the highways for the next 7 years, ruin the Sea to Sky highway-which is currently the most beautiful and scenic stretch of 4 lane coastal highway in all of Canada(holz's thought: isn't it only 2 lane?), put Vancouver into massive debt, proliferate the commercialty and 24 hr advertisement that the games have turned into, and further erode the true Olympic spirit that is well on its way to being a thing of the past."

To a certain extent, I do agree with her. Heck, taxpayers are still paying for the enormous amount of debt left by Montreal in 1976. And marketing campaigns have already begun, with Coke being the first to advertise the 2010 Olympics on Coke cans across the country.

What do you guys think?

Wow, my first time really using the new blogger template. Shows you how long I haven't blogged for.

I think this has been the longest break I've had from my blogger - a week.

I was away during the weekend and haven't really have time to jot down my thoughts and happenings. But I will soon! In the meantime, to see what I've been up to, just go to my pbase gallery and try to find out for yourself where I've been during the long wkend (haha, MY long wkend, that is).

Blogging will resume shortly. :)

musings and reflections of hollyholz