musings and reflections of hollyholz

My Long Journey...

(warning: long post ahead)

What a way to start of a "new year"... ah, another year older, another year um... wiser? Haha. Reflections - seeing how God has been at work in the past year. Therefore, the year in retrospect.

So Holly passed another exam... the UFE (Uniform Final Examination, in order to get my accounting designation). :) To many, it's not surprising. However, to me... it is! On the surface, it didn't seem to a big deal (as it is "just another exam"), but to me, it meants quite a bit... symbolizing God's providence and grace that He has bestowed in the past year and a bit. To me, it isn't simply just about passing an exam; it's about realizing how God has guided me in the past year... and how He ultimately has the control in everything. Let me share with you.

Basically, I started working in September 2004 - at that time, I thought my biggest challenges were: a) adjusting to the working life and b) getting through this UFE (Uniform Final Exam) process, which comprised of three exams - one in January (CKE), one in June (SOA), and the harest one in September (UFE). Work started off with two weeks of training, which went by quickly. However, on the first day of actually being at the office, I came across the biggest challenge of my life - learning how to cope with the known fact that my grandfather was terminally ill, and only had several months to live. To make matters worse, days later, I found out my dad had a really bad heart condition, and was in need of surgery ASAP.

A month passed, and my grandfather was admitted to the ER on 11/01/04, barely conscious. At that time, I was juggling between adjusting to work, studying for the CKE on weeknights and weekends, going to CKE training sessions on weekends, and spending as much time as I could with my grandparents. With grandpa in the hospital, studying was totally out of the picture... (I would study next to to grandpa's hospital bed). My dad went for his surgery during this time too. Fortunately, all went well. It didn't help that I had to pull myself away from my church for fellowship nights, as seeing grandpa was my first and utmost priority. Through the whole experience, I slowly lost touch with the people at my church.

With God's grace, he made it through in November. Christmas 2004 crunch time for me... having only two weeks to study for the CKE - with family coming in for my grandfather's last Christmas ever, it was emotionally tough. The withdrawl I had gone through with friends also didn't help, as I found it hard for people to relate to my situation with the exception of a few close friends. Fortunately, during this time (around November), I started working with a group of amazing people at this *lovely* client that made doors (those who know about this company know it's one of the bigger clients I deal with). I got to know one of my seniors, Renee, really well - and through the weirdest conversation about a drunken senior manager, I found out she was a Christian. God gave us an opportunity to work alone one afternoon, and we ended up getting to know each other and share our faith and what not. At that time, I knew God was working as I had longed for consistent fellowship and friendship from fellow Christians. What better place can He give me but at work, where 12 hour days are considered to be normal?

The CKE came and within weeks, I found out I had passed. For a while, things at home were slightly normal (meaning grandpa was at home, not in pain, but still only had a few months to live) but it was busy season at work. I had barely enough time to maintain my family relationships, let alone other relationships. On 03/01/2005, my grandpa passed away. It wasn't a surprise, but at the same time, it wasn't expected. But God was working through the family. There were lots of pain and hurt experienced by different family members, and a lot of it was revealed during the funeral preparation days. However, through it all, God was working, and up to this very day, I can see the family trying to make efforts to keep the love flowing through. Thankfully, the loss I had experienced, along with the pain, was quickly healed by God... by May, things were relatively normal again. I slowly started rebuilding friendships with friends and made more of an effort to be at church more. But then came the SOA exam preparation - this meant weekends in May were consumed by weekend training sessions again. Then SOA. That month was filled with stress as I had to go through three weeks of technical classes, and studying at night time... leaving me with only one day of break per week. I was also expriencing some relationship problems at that time, and had to put things on hiatus, with the hope of resolving things slowly after the SOA. Again, Renee was there to support me as she was one of the rare ones that understood the stress of writing the SOA... and she was the one I ask for prayer and moral support. Tam, another bro at KPMG, was also very supportive.

The SOA exam came and went as well. However, things didn't turn out as expected, as my long term relationship w/ my ex had ended the week before SOA results were released. I had passed SOA, thankfully, but going into UFE prep with the break up lingering was the most challenging part. Throughout the 2 week training session, our instructor kept telling us to "focus" and if things were bugging us (i.e. relationship problems, mother problems, etc.) we were to not think about them as we couldn't change anything or do anything about it. However, knowing me... I think too much for my own good. It took me until mid-august to not think about it. I was left in a situation where no one - not Renee, not Myles, not Tam - no one could do anything about me. My performance was fluctuating on the practice exams and my off-study hours were spent moping. The only one that could get me through was God. Not to get me through the exam, but just to get me through the distractions and the stress that came along w/ the UFE prep. The few people I mentioned were praying for me and with me. Tam, who was also preparing for the UFE, was a great support as he encouraged me to keep going especially when I was tired of writing cases after cases.

During this time, I was looking for a group to fellowship with, as I had no where to go due to the break up. For those of you who know my Starbucks obsession, I studied at Starbucks almost everyday during August. (Hence the really low bank balance I have, as I had no income at that time) God provided an opportunity for me to meet Ada, a fellow sister in Christ. From a casual conversation of studying, I found out she was going to be a seminary student in September. Our friendship grew, and one day, I asked her if she could introduce me to a fellowship. She was looking for one for herself at that time, and she knew of a few oher sisters that were too... and before we knew it, women's group formed. This was another lesson for me - God's timing is always perfect.

I wrote the UFE in September... and after three days of exams, I came out feeling not so great. Results were scheduled to be released on 11/25/2005. I had two months to wait. However, to my surprise, I didn't even stress about it until the morning of 11/25/2005. God was giving me enough work and things on my plate to not have time to think about it. The night before results, I told my senior manager that "whatever happens, happens."

Last friday, I found out I passed (hence, the comment about signing passports in the future... haha, as professionals in Canada can stamp passport applications as a witness). Tears were flowing when I told (moreso screamed) my mom I passed... not only because of the fact I passed, but because to me, it symbolized that God's been with me through the very first day of CKE - and all the good and bad experiences that came along with it as I've shared with you. What made passing particularly special was when I spoke w/ Renee - the first person I spoke to after my mom - and she was tearing up slightly wth me. :) The day was filled with celebrations at the office and at a lounge downtown... but despite the fun, what made the night even more memorable was when Tam and I left the kpmg party and went to grab a bite. We shared about our UFE journey, and how God worked through it all.

So yeah, that's my UFE story. And now, you'll know what it means THAT much to me. Praise Him :) The experiences still haven't end, but for all I know, this could very well be the beginning of a longer journey - one that is seeking after Him and blessed by Him.

my good friend Renee and I... very happy at the UFE party :)

my brother in Christ... Tam and I, being very thankful for what God has given to us

of course, two of my many UFE stress relievers - mui and her mom in the back