musings and reflections of hollyholz: 06/01/2003

6.26.2003

Honesty

Something which we see a little of in our everyday lives, even with ourselves. Something that is advocated in church, but rarely occurs. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like people are lying or not telling the truth… nothing of that sort. When I say honesty, I mean totally revealing yourself – your shame, your wants, stuff like that.

Often times, we tell ourselves what we think we want and we remind ourselves who we think we are. For instance, I often tell myself that I’m an open person, when in fact, I’m far from that… (or at least I’ve been told). It’s just like how people think that they’re a pretty humble person, but really, as soon as they think like that, they’re not, ‘cause a humble person wouldn’t even bother thinking about that. I’ve been there, and unfortunately, I’ve also done that.

This also happens between people. There’s honesty within a friendship or relationship, but complete honesty is a rare find. For instance, real friends tell each other everything – even what they’re peeved with the other person, what they do and don’t approve of, and what struggles they’re going through, rather than simply saying “I’m fine.” In reality, most friendships involve one side contemplating whether or not he/she should say something or pretend that he/she doesn’t know anything (when in actual fact, the entire story is known).

Speaking of which, when asked how you are doing, often people reply with “I’m Fine”, which doesn’t mean much these days. For all you know, the person saying “I’m fine” could be on the verge of jumping off a cliff or throwing a temper tantrum.

What prompted me to do this whole schpeel on honesty? Is it something that irked me? Perhaps. Actually, it’s mainly due to a testimony I heard this weekend made by a dear bro in Christ… how he, despite the large crowd and the conservative Chinese setting, admitted his struggles and troubles, and how that led him eventually to change and become the way he is presently. His honesty was just evident, and he put aside all the pride, worries, and every factor, and just shared.

I have a long way to go myself, before I can become as honest as my bro is. At the same time, that won’t be an excuse to deter me from actually trying… what a challenge. Regardless, I know it’s one that I won’t be doing on my own.

6.25.2003

The Flower

There was this beautiful carnation my mother received sometime ago. When she received it, it was very small, but eventually, it grew and flourished to a size bigger than my father's palm. I noticed it only this past Sunday, and realized how beautiful it was. I kept telling myself I would bring down the digital camera and take pics of it (and to use this as an opportunity to improve my so-called photography skills); however, with my exam and what not, I decided to wait and hold it off until I really needed a break from studying or until my exam was over. When the exam was over, it was still there, but I decided to relax and save it for sometime later in the week.

My mom threw out the flower this morning.

:(

Point of this? I found this experience similar to our relationships with our loved ones, let it be our grandparents, parents, friends, and other halves. Our loved ones are always around, and we have plenty of opportunities to spend time with it and to treasure it. However, we choose to do other things that seem more important, like focusing too much time on work and stuff, and as a consequence, we are the ones that lose out at the end, as we cannot determine nor control when our loved ones should be around and when they shouldn't.

Just a thought.

Hehehehe

That's how I'm currently feeling. Hehehehehehehe.

It doesn't matter that I barely finished my exam.... (and even though every question was answered, it doesn't mean that it's fully completed in a nice form... haha). It just cracks me up. What's "it"? Whatever my prof said...

ME: "So, what was that question all about?! What the heck was that?!"
PROF: "Yeah, I know; I wrote that case a month ago... didn't realize how hard it could be. Gave it to the TA and had him try it out. Since he was okay with it, and completed it, I figured you guys could do so too." [Holz is thinking that prof doesn't realize or remember that TA is a specialist with these data modelling things]
ME: "So, was it hilarious just looking at all our faces when it got to the point everyone was on that case?"
PROF: [chuckles]"Yeah, some of you guys were were talking to yourselves, some lips were quivering, some where swearing and saying 'sh!t!', and some of you were just blankly starring at the page..."

Somehow, having her say that made me all better. At least everyone was on the same boat. Wheeee!

Summer, here I come!

6.24.2003

Only T - 6.5 hours to go until summer. Wheeeeee!

Yes, I've fallen into a ditch and just got back up. On a more serious note, however, I've seriously been thinking a bit here and there; I really should jot down my thoughts rather than letting them culmulate (and disappear) in my head.

Anyway, I'm still alive and breathing. (& will probably be full of life after 8pm tonight)

6.19.2003

Totally Random & Unrelated Thoughts

- I really liked today's word of the day from captivate.ca (it's the company that handles all those funky TV stuff you see in elevators of office buildings. Ergophobia - the fear of work. :) Is that how I'm feeling today? Not really... but it's just a funky word.

- People suck. Well, no. Just certain people.

- I should be doing my work, but I'm not. I'm just doing it really slowly... otherwise, I'm gonna run out of things to do by noon.

- I have a thing for guys w/ British accents (sorry, Australian accents just don't make the cut! JUST KIDDING - you know who you are!). Nah, I'm just very amused and fascinated w/ people that speak w/ a Brit accent. Since I just got off the phone w/ a broker who spoke with a cute Brit accent, it reminded me why I'm particularly fond of Hugh Grant despite him being a rather heavy smoker and what not. Speaking of which, I still can't get enough of 'About a Boy'

- It's only 10:25am but I feel like I've been here for 5 hours already

- Last night of classes. Yay!

- Lackadasical - that's how I feel towards certain things in life right now... not everything :)

- I wonder how someone would feel if I told them to "bugger off" here in Canada.

- Nighttime. I think my favourite part of the day is at night, just before I go to sleep... don't know why, but usually the mood is pretty tranquil and I know that nothing during the night would disturb me.

- I've gone from being tired to being blah. and it's already 1:11 pm... took me a few hours just to write a few lines... heh.

6.18.2003

Summerlicious!

Someone's gonna be very fat this coming July, precisely around the week of the 4th to the 10th. Why? Here are the reservations made by Holz for the following restaurants:

Saturday, July 5th - Lunch at Herbs
Sunday, July 6th - Dinner at Steakfrites
Monday, July 7th - Dinner at EDO
Tuesday, July 8th - Dinner at Pangaea
Wednesday, July 9th - Dinner at Sintra

Fortunately, with the exception of Pangaea, every meal is $20. I can't wait especially for Pangaea 'cause it's supposed to be some fancy schmancy restaurant, and also 'cause I'm going with a friend whom I keep in touch with but never see... Lyds! :)

So yeah, I've decided I'm crazy. But I only have one... I mean two people to blame: myself and Sarah. Yes, Sarah was the one who got me crazy too :) ('cause she herself was crazy making reservations here and there... she too, has Herbs, Steakfrites, and Pangaea on her list, but we're only going to Herbs together)

To further on what I was ranting about the other day about Summerlicious, I really do like this event for several reasons.
- Eating alone isn't fun. This event kinda pushes you to meet up with your old friends, and gives you a good reason to really catch up with others. In fact, I either haven't seen the people I'm going to dine with or I have seen them a lot, but just haven't really caught up w/ them in their lives. Oh, I wish Jess was in town... so that she could join Clary and I; the three of us haven't gotten together since Christmas!
- Solidarity reasons. Yes, I'm cheesy. I like it when the city gets together to fight SARS... or rather, the repurcussions of SARS. Simply put, I just like it when the city is all friendly and unified.
- Gives you a good reason to try out new things. Clarissa and I are going to Sintra for dinner... it's an authentic Portuguese restaurant, one that was highly recommended by my Portuguese co-worker. If this event didn't happen, I wouldn't have bothered with Sintra, only 'cause it's expensive, and at the regular price, I'm not willing to experiment.
- Good friends, good food, good life :) (I keep emphasizing that, don't I?)

I just checked out the prix fixe menu for Pangaea... the dessert sounds particularly tempting :). Ahhh, I just can't wait... :P

6.16.2003

Random Thoughts

Current Caffeine Level: LOW
Holz's Current State: Blankly starring at the computer screen, supposedly should be working though.

For times like these, I will resort to point form blogging... besides, isn't that what I've been doing lately?

Here goes:
- It takes a lot for me to get things into perspective. Sometimes, I get my friends to virtually slap me silly to wake me up (Sarah should be used to this by now). Sometimes, I get a good yelling from my mom (albeit it's normally supposed to be a heart-to-heart chat, but my mom's loud). Sometimes, it takes a really tragic and sad event.

Unfortunately, yesterday's wake up call was being informed about someone's death. It wasn't someone I knew personally, but someone whom I respected 'cause he was truly a man of God. He was the man behind all those Campus Challenge, Teens' Conference, and all those events ran by the Ambassadors for Christ. I never worked with him before, but since I volunteered at AFC eons ago, I've seen him at work before.

Anyway, so that put things into perspective for me... in that I had to stop worrying about things like school and extra-currics... and simply let things be. (Of course, there's a fine line between slacking off and just not being able to study or work...)

- Summerlicious. What's that? It's an awesome, kick-ass, event my friend Mags told me about while trying to cheer me up last week from bein' all groggled and drugged up. I went CRAZY this wkend trying to slot times to take advantage of the event...

Something great about this event, besides fine dining at affordable prices; it gets people and friends together to catch up and enjoy life, as well as each other's company. :) Someone is very happy... couldn't get reservations for Canoe, but managed to get them for EDO. Yays! And yes, the two names, Oliver & Bonacini (Oliver & Bonacini), are my absolute favourites during Summerlicious. Tryin' to get hold of Biff's :)

- Only a week of school left. 'Nuff said. :)

- Talking to people; it helps dispells myths and legends you've heard about a person. Kinda. :) Well, perhaps not to that extent, but it really helps you understand where someone is coming from or who they really are.

- Clickin' away again. Yes, I'm trigger happy with my optical mouse... (you thought I was trigger happy w/ my camera, didn't you?!), and particularly on Amazon.ca; after my conversation w/ Abe last night, I decided to investigate more into books on small groups and that led to many other searches to satisfy Holz's wants. :) My wish list is growing! I should add a link here, shouldn't I... after all, my birthday is only a little less than six months away!

- Any good music recommendations? I think I need a new CD to keep me awake at work. Somehow, Josh Groban is putting me to sleep with his lovely and quiet tunes.

6.13.2003

Totally Random Thoughts...

... that came up during my night resting at home.

~ "My life was fulfilling in every possible way. Somehow, I just didn't seemed to be satisifed with it." ~ Hugh Grant's character, Will, in "About a Boy"

That is just soooo right. Perhaps could it be turned around, and would it make sense? That is, to say that "my life isn't fulfilling at all, but somehow I'm satisfied w/ it"? I guess it all depends on the definition of fulfillment in life, right?

This is my fourth time watching "About a Boy" and I'm still not sick of the movie. I wonder why. Perhaps it's 'cause it WAS the only DVD I had in my so-called DVD collection. Well, not anymore. Today, I won a copy of "A Bug's Life - Collector's Edition" on the company's boat cruise. Yes, I still feel like I'm on a boat right now, rocking back and forth :P

~ Is THIS what blogging has succumbed to?
"all i wanna say is that i was writing ABOUT MY DAY..isn't that the whole point of xanga?? to write 'daily blogs'?? " Perhaps this quote really justifies why I dislike Xanga so much.

~ Anyone wanna brave out trying authentic Mexican food during the Summerlicious event? :)

Anyway, as you can see, not much thoughts are running through my head. :) 'Nite all.

6.12.2003

Today is the best day for blogging at work. Why? 'Cause my boss is afraid to come near me. As you know, I came down with a cold two nights ago, and still came to work on yesterday. One of the guys I work with was saying how he needed a day off to chill/study, so I anticipated that he wouldn't be in today. Little did I know what his excuse was. He left a msg w/ the boss and this is what my boss told me: "AB called in sick today, and says he caught something from you." YEAH, RIGHT. (usually it takes at least a week before someone catches a transmitted cold) He went on to tell others, and someone told me that he mentioned that he's staying away from me if possible... so yeah, here I am, busying myself w/ work and blogging :)

Some things on my mind:

~ Talking about faith in the workplace?
I really enjoy working where I am at, only because it's not your typical business environment, where everything is rushed and the people deal w/ you mostly on a business level. (Don't get me wrong though; there are still things to be done, and deadlines to meet!) I look outside my window, and I see the lucious greens of North York, whereas on Bay St, the only interesting view would be the guy working in the next building. Let's just say it's a very relaxing environment, where you are comfortable w/ being yourself.

Yesterday, a few ladies were talking about Breast Cancer, and if I'm not wrong, someone was dealing w/ the ultrasound or something. I overheard one woman telling her not to worry, and in her words "as weird as this may seem, remember to keep your faith." They went on proceeding on how they have their faith. One of them is a Christian, the other Catholic. Still, it's something very interesting, at least on my part.

~ Only roughly 2 wks of summer school left! Yipee!

~ Amount of fluid intake for Holz today: 6 bottles (500ml) of water, 1L of Honey Lemon water, one 12 oz "best defence" smoothie, one medium tea from tim hortons. More to come...

~ Almost time to go to school. Part of me is jumping for joy, part of me is groaning...

Toodles :)

6.10.2003

Blasphemy

The story doesn't end like this. In D2, the movie, the mighty ducks win against Iceland.
Just like how Cinderella lives happily ever after in the fairy tell.

BUT NO!

Jersey won :P
Dang it.... Scott Stevens is the last man on earth I'd ever want to win the Cup.
But he did.
:(

6.09.2003

I'm sick. Never had I taken a day off of work or school simply 'cause I was sick.

Well, regardless, I'm at home right now. Must recooperate and reenergize myself!

6.06.2003

Easily amused

I came into work this morning looking half dead and calling my co-worker "Mr. Maria."

As I was heading down to Tim Hortons for my daily dose of caffeine (actually, is bi-daily a word? hahaha), I ran into the HR office to say 'thanks' to the girl who sent me the documents I had requested days ago; as I was heading out, someone called my name, and the girl I was talking to told me A, the recruiter, was calling me. It turned out someone else was calling me, not A... nevertheless, I stepped into A's office and we started chatting. I was actually gonna ask her a few questions for a few friends, more specifically about available summer positions (as some pop up unexpectedly), and to my disappointment, she said there was one position available two days ago, but someone had just filled it yesterday.

I was pretty sad at first, until A mentioned that it was someone from last year... and it turned out to be for P, my good friend from last summer! I was sooooo happy, 'cause things weren't looking too bright for her at the beginning! She was hoping to get this job in MAY but apparently, no positions were available then. She was hoping to use the money earned from this job for her missions trip in August. Despite the tough ride, she ended up getting the job, and I was so happy for her!

Since she came in to sign the contract this morning, I bumped into her, and was very happy :) The dead looking Holz became so cheerful, even her co-workers were wondering what had happened after the quick run to Tim Hortons... :D

I've come to the conclusion that I'm easily amused. Simple things make me happy, like what happened this morning. Going out for a quick lunch w/ a friend makes me happy too... although a bit sleepy afterwards ;) Tammy and I went out to Wimpy's Diner for a "quick" bite, and we had a good time chatting, catching up, and talking about fellowship. Speaking of which, only half an hour 'til I meet up w/ some of them... so I must get prepped and get away from my cubicle! :)

True fellowship

Recently, I've been learning two things in particular: worship and fellowship. The former it's moreso a personal exprience, whereas the latter was revealed to me through friends.

Allow me to introduce you to the three people that have made me realize what true fellowship is all about.

~ Jess
My sis in Christ and one of my dearest and closest. Haven't seen her since... (I can't even remember... January?) forever. I messaged her on ICQ on a cruddy Wednesday night, and right off the bat, she asked if we wanted to chat on the phone before I even asked her how she was doing. We didn't talk long, but the substance of our conversation was awesome. We covered issues like cute looking recruiters to deep stuff like how we were doing in our walk w/ God. A short conversation but a one that brought a big smile on my face.

~ Joe
I've met this guy a few times at school but each time we see each other, we chat as if we've known each other for a long time. :) Talked about CCF and our program at school, but it was still an enjoyable conversation. Despite the time I've known him for, we still were able to share openly and chat like sibs. (Yes, that includes accidentally making fun of him in public w/ his special nickname... hehe)

~ Justin
This dude and I go way back into the Zion years; albeit we didn't start off on the right foot, after leaving Zion, we actually kept in touch and became friends. He became a Christian I believe shortly after we both left Zion, and I bumped into him in all sorts of events. While coming home after a long night yesterday, I saw him coming home from school on the subway, and we had a really nice chat. Mind you, we haven't spoken or seen each other for at least two years; regardless we had a really good chat. He also reminded me a lot of what I was reading about in the Purpose Driven Life, and despite being really tired out from work & school, I still enjoyed our conversation very much, and was glad to be able to share w/ a bro in Christ so easily despite not keeping in touch over the past few years.

In all three cases, I haven't really chatted w/ these people on a regular basis. I've always been close w/ Jess, but not with the other two. Nevertheless, I could talk and share w/ all three people despite not keeping in touch consistently. What we have in common is our faith... and personally, I think that's what fellowship is all about - being bonded by the same faith and putting all other things aside, such as personal interests. Don't get me wrong; I think having similar interests and hobbies are very important in any sort of friendship, but the core of it should really come down to what you believe in. :)

Just thought like sharing these short, yet thought-provoking (at least on my part), conversations... all righty, back to work.

6.05.2003

I'm tired. I'm really tired.

Tired of what?

Everything.

okay fine, maybe not everything, but many things... am I being tight lipped? perhaps.

6.04.2003

The day finally came!

I finally got 10K hits. I wonder who was the lucky duck?

Okay, cheesy entry. More to come later... am blogging from work. Actually, I'm off right now, but am working on my project while waiting for my ride. I shall spend some homey time tonight updating my TWO blogs, playing the piano, watching TV, and unfortuantely, doing some project work and also extra-curric work. Lovely. :)

6.03.2003

Oh the things I do...

...I've finally sucuumbed to the world of taking online quizes. Can't believe the things that I do when I'm not happy... (yes, just did very poorly on a midterm)

According to this HK quiz I'm 63% HK-ese. Only 2673 scored higher than me, considering the 11482 that scored lower than me. Just take the quiz for the laughs... this guy has hilarious English. WARNING - LOTS of pop ups and annoying ads though.

Does this mean I'm a super fob now?

The flying V!

gooooooo Ducks, 'nuff said.

go Stevie Thomas! and who can forget Mr. Kariya? ;)

6.02.2003

Ticklin' the ivories

Something I haven't done in a long time (besides spending time with friends and updating my blog): playing the piano. I played the entire Sonata Pathetique tonight... and trust me, my fingers and arms feel rather tired right now... it's like that feeling where you haven't been running for a long time, and once you do, you feel energized but at the same time your muscles are tired out?

:) I'm amazed. Every now and then, I have this longing desire to learn piano all over again... similar to last summer. Hopefully, this time, I'll be more persistent. Besides, I have talked w/ my parents about this... we shall see.

All righty, back to studying B2B, B2C, C2C, and the lovely world of e-Commerce.

musings and reflections of hollyholz