musings and reflections of hollyholz

It's a GO! :)

posted by Holz @ 1:21 PM |

More Thoughts

My mom surprised me with a set of markers... steadtler triplus fineliners, to be exact. Why I am so giddy? Perhaps it's cos my mom never really surprises me with anything... the last time she surprised me was a b-day party she organised w/ Karen in grade 11... and the last time before that was when she bought "Beauty and the Beast" on VHS for me in grade 4.

With that aside, here's a song that was sung at MissionFest tonight that spoke to me... I'll share my personal thoughts & how the song relates to them at a later date, as I am being asked (or nagged) to go to sleep... so here goes:

All of my Days

Proclaim Your awesome power
Tell of Your mighty deeds
Declare Your future kingdom
Of everlasting peace

And my eyes they look unto You always
And I am captured by Your Majesty

All of my days, I will sing of Your greatness
All of my days, I will speak of Your grace
All of my days, I will tell of Your wonderous love
Your love in my life
Your love

All Your works will praise You
Your children bless Your name
We speak of all Your goodness
We walk in fields of grace


***added later *** (01/31/2004)
Basically, the song reminded me of my committment at Urbana - how to live as a light and blessing. I find that with everything that I proclaim, share, and mention fails to express how God's been working in my life, and how His grace is guiding me through. (Haha, look at my past blogs!) I know God doesn't want me to go on a missions trip to further His kingdom; He wants me to be a light & blessing to those around me, those that are constantly in and out of my life... :)

Speaking of people in my life, I really wanna share how He has put a person I can be accountable to in my life... the person who gives me rides home frequently, and almost ends up dropping me off at the wrong house every time :) As one of Josiah's fellowship counsellors, she really does care and pray for us a lot - as a group and individually. Apparently after prayer mtg on Wednesday, she was praying for clarity & direction in my life (it was one of my prayer requets), and was prompted in her prayers to ask me about my own prayer life as a consequence of praying FOR me. When she asked me that yesterday (while we were talking about a dilemma I was facing), it struck me that God was reminding me NOT only of my prayer life, but my walk with Him. If anything, it was mediocre, lukewarm; it did exist, but certainly not at a satisfactory level. From what I learned at a seminar at Urbana, prayer = relationship w/ God. No matter how many books on prayer one plows through, or how many seminars one attends to learn how to pray, the seminar speaker reminded me that all it comes down to is your relationship with God, and nothing else. Myles, thanks for the few splashes of cold water to wake me up last night :).

posted by Holz @ 1:08 AM |

Random Thoughts

Just a few things that have popped up in my head in the past few days:

1. I'm very forgetful...
... I always forget to bring my camera. Actually, no. I'm just lazy; I never wanna carry my camera when I should. Like yesterday, during that snow storm. I trekked all the way down to school just to find out classes were cancelled. (I blame that on the utoronto.ca website for providing me the wrong information) I didn't mind though, cos it was quite an interesting commute. I had some ASUT things to do, which required me to walk along Bloor... the walk was quite interesting from the Manulife Centre to Bloor & St. George. I kept regretting that I didn't bring the camera cos there were sights of downtown that were rarely seen (i.e. LOTS of snow covering everywhere). Also, since I commuted all the way back home, I had the opportunity to walk past the ravine from the bus stop to my home... it was beautiful, with clean snow covering the trees and the creek. ARGH! I wish I brought my camera. And as awful the snowstorm was, I actually didn't mind it at all! :) I love snow...

2. Something worth admiring...
... is my cousin's honesty in one of her many webpages. Where many people would hide their thoughts and fears, especially in regards to their faith (or lack of), my cousin really opens herself up, knowing that some ppl may even judge her. I guess in a way, it really allows me to see what she's thinking since we're so far apart (in distance and relationship wise; we're not exactly close).

3. Wouldn't it be nice...
... if we could shovel snow for our neighbours just 'cos.... I think it'd be nice. This thought just popped up while I was attempting to shovel my own driveway. It made me realize how much I don't know my neighbours. Come to think of it, my home and the surrounding areas, could be possible places where I can be a light & blessing! Just a nice thought.

Office hours are done! :) (Yes, I'm fulfilling my ASUT duties at this moment) Time to go home...

posted by Holz @ 2:34 PM |

The Unproductive Day



The picture should say it all... :P

So what made it so unproductive? Actually, the question should be rephrased: what excited Holz sooo much that she couldn't study...? That her mere attempt to study resulted in failure?

Several things:
- Chatting w/ Vicks about some possible plans in the "Pearl of the Orient"
- Calling Haley about THIS

Can't study!!!! :P Fortunately, that was yesterday. Today was a much more productive day - I started studying for my midterm! :) As a reward, I updated my photo album. Enjoy!

posted by Holz @ 10:50 PM |

New Experiences

What happened while bein' part of worship team today was definitely something to remember for the years to come. Why?

- Jon's (our worship leader) comeback w/ the Powerpoint slides which he had totally forgotten to prep
- Jon constantly contemplating whether or not to do Grande Son since Saturday afternoon
- Jon deciding to do Grande Son during the SERMON without any one of us knowing the song, let alone letting the team know what he was thinking (w/ the exception of myself) - funny how the Spirit works!
- NTCBC's first few attempts at learning a worship song not written in English or Chinese, but Espanol. :) ah, memories of Urbana ("te alabare... te glorificare!")
- The ending of Everyday. (methinks Jon was going to repeat chorus, so the ending was built up... hahaha!)
- Personally, I was playing according to the lyrics of the songs today... and for once, I wasn't struggling with the thought whether or not I played decently or not.

:) God works in interesting ways.

posted by Holz @ 12:11 AM |

What a Reminder :)

Something small happened today that made me realize that striving for worldly goals, goals that are rather short-term (i.e. accomplishing something for a planning committee or group I'm part of) is meaningless. No matter how hard (or not) you try, it really doesn't amount to anything. In fact, even if you try the bestest, sometimes, it still isn't enough, nor can you really please anyone.

However, w/ God it's quite different. He still trusts us to do part of His work... even though He knows we're incapable and faulty at times, He still gives us the grace and energy needed, provided that we have faith. It's by faith, not works; if we do our best, that's all that counts... and all we can do is leave it up to Him.

I'm glad a :( situation made things :)... at least on my part.

posted by Holz @ 12:43 AM |

Still Alive

Have some thoughts on my mind... but I've been:
a) too tired
b) too busy
c) too lazy
d) feeling lackadaisical

Regardless, I do want to blog my thoughts and whereabouts soon... so have no fear, I'm still here. Keep on checking!

posted by Holz @ 11:40 PM |

Reflection of the Past Week

I feel like I've been in school for two months already, albeit only one week has gone by.

This term is going to be hard. I've never worked so hard during the FIRST week.... and I have another 13 weeks to go, although it seems like an eternity.

I find that upon going back to school, the decisions and commitments I've made at Urbana are suddenly challenged big time. It's definitely easy to make those decision when you're free from the stress of school and far away from home... yet, when I made the decision at Urbana, I knew this would be a big challenge. I pray that God will continue to guide me through and that I will be able to really live up to what I've commited to: being a light and blessing, and leaving things up into His hands.

In the meantime... while Phil and I are discussing online how to make boring wkends sound fun, I'll attempt to let you in on what I've been up to. Besides studying, this wkend has been full of boardgames. Yes... being an only child, I've been deprived of board games as I had no one to play with. I got my fair share this wkend. We had cooking & board games night on Friday for fellowship, and playing chinese checkers wth five others is FUN :) Also, I took a study break on Sunday and went to a friend's housewarming... the night ended w/ a fun game of Taboo. :D That's it, board games night at my house once I clean it :) Who's in?

Anyway time for bed.... I slacked off enough tonight. Speaking of slacking, check out my imagestation... should have pics now! :) (SIGN UP FOR YOUR OWN ACCOUNT!!!!! Please? Just for me?! But if you need a login... just look for it at the entry below)

posted by Holz @ 12:08 AM |

Urbana Pics are up!

They can be found HERE.

Please sign up for an account on your own so you could comment, leave messages, or check my album out regularly in the future... but if you're too lazy to, here's the login i use for ppl like YOU

username: friendsofholz
password: hollay

Enjoy, until I find time to write an entry :)...

posted by Holz @ 11:48 PM |

Urbana Reflections

Most of the people I know have already posted their reflections on Urbana, but I thought I'd delay this so I could sort out my thoughts before sharing them with you. However, after going to class today, I decided I'd share them before school consumes most of my leisure time... :P

I had been waiting for Urbana to come for three years... I so wanted to go to Urbana 2000, but due to a family vacation to Hong Kong, I couldn't go. Actually, come to think of it, had I gone three years ago, I would've probably gotten not so much out of it, 'cos it wasn't until I started seriously digging through the Urbana website recently did I realize what sorta conference I was heading for.

I went to Urbana, questioning if where I was heading was really where God wanted me to go: accounting. Heck, I thought to myself "What does He want me to do in accounting?" Yet, the doors He has opened made it seem like that's where He wanted me to go... and coming out of Urbana, I was sure that I'm on the path He wants me to take. I learned that what He wants of me now is to really become a witness to those around me - at school, home, etc. - and also to learn how to really live a life of His, before He shows me other paths to take.

Here are the main things I learned/realized:
- My idolatries in life - esp. in money and comfort. I take too much comfort in my friendships w/ many people, where many times it hinders me from confronting others in love or from letting ppl know what it really means to be a Christian - all because I'm too rooted and comfortable in my friendships that I simply don't want things to change... for MY benefit.
- Worship in different styles - it was definitely a challenge, cos during different worship sessions, I would be struggling to prevent having the "hype" get to me... or the hype others had. The hip-hop style was definitely different from what I am accustomed to - simply clapping and singing :) Yet, I learned that ultimately, we're all praising God, using the different gifts, tools, and characteristics in doing so. I was really glad that I was able to overcome the hype, and simply worship between Him and I, and not having the thoughts of whether or not "hype" was around bother me.
- Being a Light and Blessing - easier said than done, but definitely something that's changed me.
- This world is extremely small. :)
- "Nations" doesn't mean the places overseas or anywhere outside my usual surroundings. It involves basically everything and everyone around me. By asking Him to give the nations to us so that we can proclaim His word really means to be a witness to those you interact with everyday or to the places you go to everyday, like school.
- My small group was awesome, as with the other girls I met in my hallway, like the New Jersey girls. Being in the family of Christ is definitely awesome; time and distance doesn't really matter when it comes to knowing people in God's family :)

Anyway, more to share, but I'll probably share in person... just a small recap. :)

posted by Holz @ 12:01 AM |

This post is specifically for the LOTR fans I know, esp. Nevin, Sarah, Kenneth, and Karen.

Listen up! You guys will finally call me one of your own.... hahahah :) I FINALLY WATCHED THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RINGS! (Yes, 2h 58mins of it)

Yes, only part one, but it's definitely a start!

posted by Holz @ 4:07 PM |

... And I'm Back

I've had a great time at Urbana - meeting great brothers and sisters from all over the place, having some time of reflection, and more importantly, realizing that the most important thing is really to have His kingdom come, His will be done.

I have fellowship in a bit, so I'll leave the reflection part for a later time. Just letting y'all know that I'm back in town!

posted by Holz @ 6:58 PM |