musings and reflections of hollyholz: 04/01/2004

4.29.2004

Here's to...

... going down Yonge Street looking for shoes
... BriX Napa Valley and the Flatliner accompanied by scrumptious desserts
... talking very loudly (apparently, as Sarah says) at Second Cup
... the Leafs for their 4-1 win
... going in and out and in and out of H20
... Gal sushi
... CDs galore and Sony Attrac3 (I, 200 something songs on one CD, eh?)
... a pic of my mom :)
... summer.

Don't know if I'll be able to blog in the next two days... cos I'm currently spending time at my grandparents, and have neglected packing time. Once I head home tomorrow, I'm sure there'll be lots of packing frenzy and arguments w/ the boss *ahem, mom* before 8:30am on Saturday.

The summer has begun w/ a great start, and I've been enjoying every bit of it :) Wheeee!

4.26.2004

ARGH!!!!

Can't study no more... in fact, my attention span has decreased severely since 4 this afternoon. :P my oh my..... I suppose a mixture of emotions is distracting me from my studies, ranging from anxiety (thinking I'm going to forget the equations and conditions for certain rollovers), excitement for tomorrow at 12:00pm and also for the events that follow afterwards (can't wait to see Vicky, Sarah, Myles, grandparents, dentist, facial person, terminal 1, cousin, etc.), and also just impatience cos I just want the exam to be overwith!

As my dad puts it, it's my last full day being a full time student (for a long while, at least); I should very much cherish the day.However, I'd like my exam to come and go quickly, thank you very much. It's funny how my dad understands how I feel today... cos he had an exam today. For the first time, both of us are studying. Too bad he gave me his study tips on the very last day of my undergrad.

In other news, my exam buddy is coming to pick me up! To top off my university career, Vicky will be picking me up from my final exam for one last time. :) Wowzas, has three years gone by that quickly?

I remember the first time she picked me up from my exam in 2nd year, I was v. happy cos I was done w/ ECO220 (stats)... and we had an extremely (I can't find the proper word) spontaneous afternoon by going to the AGO (ah, my first encounter w/ William Wegman's work) and Eaton Centre. Then there was 3rd year, where she picked me up after my finance exam... I pity the poor girl, having to hear me mutter "I think I failed that exam" for the entire afternoon. I wonder what tomorrow's pick up holds... rest assured, I told Vicky not to bring a box of tissues, but only a packet. It'd either be for a) "methinks I failed that exam" or b) "i'm so happy i'm done university, i think i'm gonna cry".

I think I should wrap things up and review my notes one more time before hitting the sack. If anything, I shouldn't be blogging.

Ahem.

Well... adios :)

4.24.2004

... so many things I wanna say,
to let her know how much I care
to let her know how wrong she is about herself
and to let her know how valuable life is.

... I understand where she's coming from,
and where she's heading to.

...this is why I'm finding this a struggle.
I'm at a loss of words
I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing
or that she might misunderstand
and take my discernment as judgement.
Yet, some things definitely need to be said.

but how?

... the distance is definitely far, both geographically and relationship wise.
the past has been rocky, filled with awkwardness and silence.
yet, she's always been part of my life, not by choice.
somehow, along the way, I've learned to care instead of simply being there.

Lord, give me the words to say

4.23.2004

3 down, 1 to go

'nuff said. :D

4.22.2004

Something Interesting Everyday...

... or perhaps I should say uplifting? I think I should really start making a habit of finding something to be really grateful and happy about.

To my absolute surprise, while studying at Timothy's this morning, some lady approached me as I had a frown on my face trying to understand the cost and equity method of things, and why the heck would it really matter to the case situation. She was about to sit right across from me, but looked at me, asking me if I had a test tomorrow (she must've thought I was one of those rowdy high school kids that crashed at Timothy's during their lunches and spares). I told her I had an exam, and out of the blue, she asked if I believed in Jesus. A bit stunned, I replied yes, and she grabbed my hand, and immediately prayed for me rather loudly but with conviction. After the prayer, she reminded me to have confidence, and smiled as her lunch awaited.

As I left Timothy's (I had to meet my dad for a quick lunch), I thanked her, and was very encouraged. In fact, her prayer reminded me of the devo in My Utmost for His Highest a few days ago - inner invincibility. As Oswald Chambers wrote, "If your life is producing only a whine, instead of the wine, then ruthlessly kick it out. It is definitely a crim for a Christian to be weak in God's strength." Along these lines, Chambers referred to people simply wanting to be like others, who are seemingly burden-free, whining about their tasks at hand, or simply fearing for what is to come.

Most of you know me as someone who worries a lot, and to those I'm closer with, they have the disadvantage of hearing me complain a lot. However, with what God has been telling me for the past while, I have to look up and *not* complain and fear.

Anyhoo, that was today's blessing for the day :) A kind prayer and reminder from a stranger. Tomorrow will come many challenges (heh, need I say an EXAM?!? why am I still blogging?!), but at least the sun's shining! More to share tomorrow.

4.20.2004

Whoooooo!

Caution: a typical rambling blog of Holz's with no substance whatsoever... I blame this on exams!

As I say this every single year, I feel terribly sorry for Jacque Martin. The Sens have a great coach but somehow, they can never beat the Leafs.... in the meantime, bring it on, Philly! (Oh my, lots of bruises coming up Toronto's way, I can definitely see...) I'm so proud of my Tie... :) He was digging the puck all night, and assisted on the first goal tonight!

I've been having trouble studying... as James' blog says, all students in the GTA area will likely see their GPA drop due to the playoffs. My 3 hour exam this afternoon also drained the energy out of me... three hours of writing. I'll be hibernating at Timothy's for the majority of the day tomorrow. (Yes, did I ever tell you my hang out? Timothy's by Bayview and Major Mackenzie... despite the annoying high school students coming in for lunch, it's pretty nice and peaceful there, even on a busy sunny Sunday afternoon. Anyone wanna do coffee there sometime w/ me? :) Anyhoo, 1 down, 3 to go.

In the spirit of countdowns.... here's to Vancouver, HK, and Tokyo (respectively):
10 days 11 hours & 18 minutes
13 days 16 hours & 32 minutes
30 days 10 hours & 47 minutes

One thing I noticed recently... I think aloud without realizing it... kinda like Marcus in About a Boy. At least I don't sing out loud w/o knowing it. Just like the other day, during a tutorial, the professor mentioned something about the essays handed back... and I simply didn't care so I was thinking "meeeeh, whatever". Somehow, the "meeeeh" part was thought aloud, and the prof stopped to ask if I had something to ask. Heh. The other day at Timothy's, I suddenly said something out loud... a calculation that I was thinking about. Am I going crazy?

Anyhoo... GO LEAFS GO and ttys :)

4.19.2004

Moving On...

... yes, I've moved to blogspot from my utoronto site... if you can read this, you should've known already :) (btw, thanks to my site administrator, joe :) )

This move is actually quite an eye opener for me, as it signals another phase in my life is coming to an end. THEY ARE GONNA CLOSE DOWN MY UofT INDIVIDUAL ACCOUNT IN MAY COS I AM NO LONGER PAYING THEM AND AM HAVING MY STATUS CHANGED FROM POOR UNDERGRADUATE STUDENT TO [POOR] ALUMNI.

Haha, this past wk reminds me that I'm moving on... for one thing, I can't believe my face is plastered on the UofT Graduating Class of 2004 for Commerce & Finance composite. (How it turned out is another story...) Having UofT asking me for money before walking to ConHall, signing up to be part of the accounting students' alumni for 0T4, and having to apply for a name change/addition for my diploma also adds to the ever-increasing awareness of the end to my undergraduate career.

One thing that isn't moving on as quickly as I like is STUDYING :P Hahahaha.... :) That's another story in itself though.

Let the countdown begin. 0 down, 4 to go.

4.15.2004

I miss blogging regularly :( however, school is driving me up the wall. (I should stay studying is... cos technically, classes are over, albeit my profs for two courses have been generous enough to schedule in tutorials this wk).

Studying is even harder when the sun's shining bright (at least it keeps my spirits up!), friends are DONE with school (some for good, others for the school yr), friends leaving the country for months (Jess, have a great time in UK!), and knowing this is my final term.

Maybe I am suffereing from senioritis (read Richard's blog).

Ah wells... :)

Blog more later. (something w/ more substance, that's for sure!)

4.12.2004

Let the Countdown Begin! :)

I'm not talking about the regular exam countdown (i.e. 4 exams to go, 0 down) I'm talking about days, hours, and minutes. This is what I'm talking about:

Vancouver - 19 days, 5 hours, 44 minutes until I leave YYZ terminal 1 :) (oooh, the new one!)
Hong Kong - 22 days, 12 hours, 28 minutes until I leave YZO terminal M
Convocation - 65 days, 9 hours, 42 minutes until I head from UC to Con Hall
Bean Counter Day - 161 days, 9 hours, 42 minutes

My trusty, relatively new (yet outdated) Samsung has this funky option allowing significant events to be entered into the phone, and count the number of days and hours until the event happens. Ah, the things I do to avoid studying. However, the irony is that with this countdown option, it makes makes studying feel even more long and boring :( Perhaps I should return to daydreaming... :)

4.11.2004

Easter Sunday

I'm getting sad to see that the true meaning of easter is totally forgotten, and is being replaced w/ chocolate, eggs, and bunnies. In the Chinese news today, the reporter asked some kids what they thought the meaning behind easter was, and the answers were: being happy, chocolate, and 'i don't know.' While browsing through some xanga pages (yes, I xanga surf a bit), some person mentioned that their church gave them chocolate eggs and the church's father gave them 'easter money.'

Easter money? Isn't his death and resurrection enough? What more do we need?

I'm not any better than these kids. Although I'm a bit too old for chocolate eggs and bunnies, I often find myself underestimating this great gift He has given us... however, this is a great reminder:

Your eyes see your faults. Your faith sees your Saviour.
Your eyes see your guilt. Your faith sees his blood. ~Max Lucado

He paid the price for me. Thank you, God.

4.08.2004

Random Scribbles

- HERE'S to the Leafs. Let's kick some Sens arse tonight... the battle of Ontario. Can't wait! In other news, I feel soooo sad for Desjardin of the Flyers... albeit Philly isn't my ideal team, but the reason why Desjardin is out for the playoffs is rather bittersweet. He was playing catch w/ his son, and somehow that was the cause of his injury. :(

- After talking w/ a sister tonight, a thought came across my mind. When we're serving, no matter where we're serving or to whatever capacity we're doing so, it's not about what WE want or what WE expect out of others... it's about what HE wants.

- As I've mentioned a few entries ago, I've been challenged - to be patient and to hold my tongue from saying the wrong things. Allow me to share w/ you some words of wisdom, let it be for everyone's benefit:
"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." Proverbs 12:18
"A patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly." Proverbs 14:29
Some food for thought.

- I just finished Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom. A good book, I must say... discussing the important things in life. There were areas where I didn't totally agree with, but the overall themes I did enjoy and thought highly of. (BTW, Myles, I can drop it off at your place sometime, whenever I go to my grandparents').

- Sleepy. Feeling constantly lethargic these days. :(

- Tomorrow's my last lecture ever in my undergrad career. I'm not ruling out the possibility of a Masters in the future, just not in the forseeable future. :) Oh my. I may actually miss the subway rides up and down.

- My mood is affected greatly by the weather changes. Ask Ian. He can attest to my cloudy days... since today was sunny and relatively dry, so was I :).

Anyway, I'm out.

4.04.2004

*Not* Taking Things for Granted

A sudden incident today left me thinking that I take things for granted way too easily. It all started w/ a life-changing nap.

I was studying at Starbucks w/ Ian and decided to take a nap cos Canadian Economic History wasn't particularly appealing at that moment. Little did I know 15 minutes later, I'd wake up with my eye sight blurred. Thinking it was a temporary thing, I wasn't too concerned, but after 3 minutes, I still couldn't read my economic history notes. In fact, everytime I blinked, my vision blurred... but only my left eye was affected.

Wanting to study a bit longer, but couldn't concentrate, we hurriedly left Starbucks and stopped at Shoppers along the way before going home, hoping that the Visine would be the solution to the problem. It wasn't. At this point, I was scared but at the same time, I prayed, seeing how there really wasn' t anything I could do before running home to mom.

By the time I reached home, my eye sight was slightly clearer, albeit it hurt a bit... so I took a nap. Thankfully, the vision was restored. We all thought that my nap caused it, as I was sleeping face down, with my left eye rested on my arm. Regardless, it was a big reminder not to take even the general things in life for granted, and to be extremely careful and on guard of the things that God has blessed us with.

Perhaps I should head to bed now to rest my eyes :) However, Holz is going to be a bookworm and read a bit of her current read (Tuesdays with Morrie) before hitting the sack.

4.02.2004

Argh!

My visit to my hairstylist today confirmed the reason why I dislike dressing up. :P Right now, I'm feeling rather light-headed, as chemicals galore were sprayed in my hair. In about an hour, I'll probably have to get out of my comfy sweats and put on something I don't wear normally - a dress.
:P Next, my face will have guck on it and I'll feel rather layered with blush and what not. I really can't see how people like dressing up. the upside, I did get a head message :) thatwas good. I also went for a facial this morning... so I also had a shoulder rub :) Otherwse, I really can't see what's good about dressing up.

Haha... tonight's the Commerce Formal... was kinda hesitant about going, but since this is the last ever UT formal I'll go to, I might as well budge and go. However, I'm skipping gym night :( again. (I never go to gym nights when Josiah has one!)

'Nuff about me dressing up. Even I'm getting bored of writing about my horrifying experience. :)

musings and reflections of hollyholz